Who Wants To Stay Sane?
by Yellowfur
Summary: Cartoons and some anime characters from all sorts of shows come together to live in a household and try their hardest not to go crazy. Now accepting suggestions for contestants in the future Season Two! Review or Ed will cry.
1. Characters List

Greetings, readers! This a crossover of multiple cartoons and some animesliving in a "Real World" type of house, just trying to get by without losing their minds! There isn't really a contest to win, but you do have to try really hard to just not go crazy! There will be fights and arguments and maybe a little romance, too! So just sit back and watch the sparks fly! This is just a preview chapter, though. It only has the characters list. You'll have to wait to really see sparks fly.

And just you wait for Visiting Day.

Household Members:

1. Ed (Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy)

2. Roronoa Zoro (One Piece)

3. Zim (Invader Zim)

4. Jack Spicer (Xiaolin Showdown)

5. Yumi (HiHi PuffyAmiYumi)

6. Naruto (Naruto, duh)

7. Starfire (Teen Titans)

8. Grim (The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy)

9. Bender (Futurama)

10. Quicksilver/Pietro Maximoff (X-Men Evolution)


	2. Meet The Residents

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this crossover.**

**So, tell me what you think of the story so far after this chapter. Does you like it? Do you like the characters? Is there someone you'd like to see clash with another member of the household? Tell me!**

* * *

Zim walked into the oversized house. He realized that there were cameras all around him, but he paid them no heed. He walked into the middle of the foyer and shouted at the top of his lungs, "I AM ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM! YOU ALL MUST OBEY!" 

**Zim**

**Likes: Conquering and destroying**

**Dislikes: Incompetent humans (He is pretty incompetent himself, too)**

Zim took a moment to look around again. He then realized that he was the only one there. What a waste of a good scream.

The front door opened again. The swordsman Roronoa Zolo walked in the front door, stepped past Zim, and flopped on the couch.

**Roronoa Zolo**

**Likes: Grog, sleeping, training, food, good swords**

**Dislikes: Interruptions to sleeping and training, swordsmen who claim to be better than him**

Zim stared at him. "I AM ZIM!" he yelled again.

Zolo just ignored him.

"STOP IGNORING ME!"

"I'm not ignoring you. I'm just choosing not to acknowledge your presence."

For some reason, this answer seemed to satisfy Zim, and Zim walked away down the hall. "Where is my room!" he half asked, half yelled.

"How should I know?" Zolo looked like he'd rather just sleep.

Muffled screams could be heard from Zim's misshapen, purple suitcase.

The door went flying open again. The robot known as Bender came in. Mumbling inaudibly, he stumbled over to the kitchen and started taking apart the mini-bar.

**Bender**

**Likes: Beer, being mean and annoying to just about everyone**

**Dislikes: Biological life, anybody with authority over him**

When the door reopened, Yumi came through. She set her electric guitar down and immediately began looking for a place to plug it in.

**Yumi**

**Likes: Rock music, hers or otherwise, guitar playing, stuff with skulls on it**

**Dislikes: anything cute and cuddly, people in general**

Behind her came in the Grim Reaper.

**Grim**

**Likes: Beheading stuff, the obituaries**

**Dislikes: Evil and retarded children**

The Grim Reaper shouted out. "I AM THE GRIM-"

"Don't even try yelling your name out and ordering people around!" Zim ran out and interrupted. "That's my thing!"

"Aww…" The Grim Reaper set his bag down. He walked over to Zolo. "Hey, mon! I'm Grim." He held out his skeletal hand for Zolo to shake.

Zolo stared at the hand for a while. "Do you seriously think I'm going to…?"

"Dang! That never works!" Grim looked frustrated.

The door burst open. "Hey! Listen up, everybody! I'm Uzumaki Naruto! Believe it!" he would've yelled more, but he was interrupted by Zolo's snoring (fell asleep already).

**Uzumaki Naruto**

**Likes: Haruno Sakura, ramen, achieving greatness**

**Dislikes:Uchiha Sasuke, people who doubt him (that's a lot of people, by the way)**

"HEY! How can you be asleep?" Naruto looked angry.

Starfire glided through the open doors and looked around happily. "Hello, new friends! I am overjoyed that we all get to spend time together!"

**Starfire**

**Likes: Friendship, cute things, mustard**

**Dislikes: Villains, people who take advantage of her kind nature**

Everyone just stared at Starfire nauseatingly.

Starfire continued to talk enthusiastically. "Who would like to join me in the ritual of staying up late and watching cartoons with sugary snacks tonight?"

She got no answer.

Yumi stared at her. "Were you Ami in a previous life that's happening right now?"

The next person to come through the open door was Jack Spicer. "Oh yeah, Jack Spicer, evil boy genius in the house!"

**Jack Spicer**

**Likes: world domination, robots, evil allies, mystical artifacts**

**Dislikes: martial artists, the Xiaolin religion, the forces of good**

"Jack Spicer, evil boy genius needs to shut up!" Bender called half-drunk from the living room.

Zim came hurling through the air and landed on Jack Spicer's shoulder. "YOU can't be the evil genius! I'M the evil genius!"

Starfire closed the door calmly, trying to think of a way to get her housemates to remain calm and not kill each other.

The door made a banging sound.

"Who is it?" Starfire asked, hopeful it was another girl.

All she got in response was another banging sound.

"Who is it?" she called again.

More banging.

Now Yumi was getting frustrated. "WHO IS IT!" she shouted.

More banging.

"THAT'S IT!" Yumi opened the door and saw a boy banging his head on the wall.

"Hello!" he said obliviously. He then continued to bang his head.

"Grrrr!" Yumi pulled him inside.

"Hello!" Starfire replied. "What is your name, soon-to-be new friend?"

"Uhhh…" he thought for a minute. "Oh yeah, my name is Ed!"

**Ed**

**Likes: his friends, buttered toast, gravy, chickens (live ones), monster movies and comics**

**Dislikes: "R" ratings (that keep him out of monster movies), pebbles in shoes**

"Hello, Ed!" Starfire hugged him. His back made a crunching sound, but the stupid, cockeyed smile still did not come off his face.

Yumi huffed and threw the door shut.

"Hey, wait up!" Someone stopped the door with their foot. "Aren't you going to wait for Quicksilver?" A silver-haired teen boy stepped inside the house. He looked at Yumi's hair. "Whoa, purple." Yumi's response was to roll her eyes.

**Quicksilver, a.k.a. Pietro Maximoff**

**Likes: Girls, himself, sugar and caffeine, his super-speed powers**

**Dislikes: slow people, regular humans, the X-men**

He turned to Starfire. "Whoa, hot!"

Starfire looked confused. "Um…thank you?"

He quickly turned back to Yumi. "Musician, I take it?"

"What was your first clue?" she grumbled.

"Feisty."

"Shut up."

Zolo covered his eyes. "Yes. Listen to the girl. Shut up."

The boy ran with shocking speed into the living room. He looked over at the ravaged bar. "Oooh, Tequila!"

Zolo opened one eye.

Bender stumbled over. "You can't have any! It's mine, and you're too young and…" Bender lost his train of thought. "Uh…what was I saying?"

"Maybe you should stop drinking."

"Maybe you should shut up! I need my alcohol!"

Zim ignored everyone in the house. "I'm going to claim this house for the Irken Empire!"

No one paid any attention to Zim.

"Hey! Isn't anyone going to try to stop me?"

"Nope."

"Don't care."

"Be quiet, I'm trying to sleep."

"Guess not."

"Nuh-uh."

"I suppose not."

"Uhr-ken?"

"Lampshade!"

"CHOCOLATE!" screamed Zim's suitcase.

* * *

**What fun. Hmm...what do you think will happen when personalities collide? Take a guess. If you guessed chaos, you're right, I guess. Really, it shouldn't be that hard to figure out in the first place. PLEASE REVIEW. Oh, and please don't make suggestions about who you think should join. No one is joining except for a couple of people that came packaged with someone who is already a household member.**


	3. Signs

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this crossover. Why are you picking on me?**

**This chapter has a lot of Quicksilver in it. Oh, and I'm sorry about Jack Spicer, Grim, and Naruto not getting a lot of attention. I'll bring them in more soon.**

**Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go harass the video store until they come out with "A Scanner Darkly" sometime in September.**

Chapter 3: Signs

"Hey, can I see your swords?" Quicksilver asked Zolo.

"No," he replied.

"Why not?"

"You'll break them, or-" he was interrupted by Pietro's running to Zolo, grabbing his swords and prancing around the living room.

"Look at me! I'm Roronoa Zolo! I'm better than all of you because I got pretty swords!"

Ed, Jack, Naruto, and Bender laughed. Zim didn't get it. Grim would've laughed, but he was too busy cutting up a plant he didn't like.

Yumi sighed in exasperation. She walked across the room, grabbed the swords, and hit Quicksilver across the head.

"Ouch! You're crazy!" he rubbed his head. "And you messed up my hair!"

"Oh, such a tragedy." Yumi handed the swords to Zolo.

"Uh…thanks?" Zolo asked

"Don't expect favors all the time."

"Friends!" Starfire came flying through the doorway. "I have dinner! The much requested liquidized sugar and chipped potato snacks!"

"Some liquidized beer would be better," Bender replied.

"Yoink!" Quicksilver zipped by and grabbed a soda. He then sat on the couch next to Starfire.

Grim's robe flew up over his head. "Boy, your whole super-speed ting is getting very old…"

"So…" Quicksilver looked at Starfire. "What's your sign?"

Yumi and Jack Spicer choked on their drinks and laughed. "That's so stupid!" Jack managed.

"Um, sign?" poor Starfire looked very confused. "Maybe it is… 'stay off the grass', or 'left lane must turn left'?"

It took a minute for everyone to comprehend what Starfire had said. Then they started to laugh. Except for Zim.

"I don't get it," he said. "What's so funny?" He pointed a blaster at Naruto. "**Tell** me what's so funny or I'll blow your fat human head off!"

"Okay, by sign I meant…well, it means…signs are…oh, forget it." Quicksilver looked a little frustrated.

Everyone ate dinner as Zim rolled around screaming, trying to get the shuriken out of his pak.

"Do these chips come in gravy flavor?" Ed asked, pointing to the soda.

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"Now what you like to do together?" Starfire asked everyone.

Yumi was fiddling with her guitar. "…not do anything together?"

"I'm game," Zolo said with his eyes closed.

"Game…GAME!" Ed said. "GamesGamesGamesGamesGames! Let's play games!"

"Splendid! What kind of game would you like to play?" Starfire said happily.

"The board kind!"

"More splendid! Which one?" Starfire asked.

"Um…" Ed was caught off guard.

"How about instead of a board game, we play a shooting game?" Zim said, knowing full well he was probably one of the only ones with a real gun

"Or a drinking game?" Bender asked.

"How about we play the quiet game?" Zolo asked covering his tired eyes.

"Or the chopping-off-heads game? I'll start with the small alien," Grim said hopefully.

"We should have a series of contests! Like a race!" Naruto suggested.

"Oooh, a race?" Quicksilver asked jumping up on the couch.

"NO, no race." Yumi pulled him off the couch, and he hit the floor headfirst.

"Aww…ow."

Starfire ignored the arguing and pulled some board games out of a closet. "We have the back of gammon, cards, mono-poly, and Scrubbing."

"Do you mean Scrabble?" Jack asked, fiddling with a butler-bot, using parts of Bender.

"Zim refuses to play the Scribbling!" Zim jumped onto the table. "But I have never heard of this mono-POLY! I will _try _it."

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**This should be good.**

**Now review your brains out.**


	4. Monopoly Time!

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. Capiche?**

**Okay, it's monopoly time! Whee! Now, read. And then...REVIEW!**

Chapter 4: Monopoly

"I call the race car!" Quicksilver said, looking at the monopoly player figurines.

"You can't be the race car! You don't deserve it!" Jack responded, grabbing the marker. "I bet you don't even have a race car."

"I bet you don't either!"

"Actually, I-"

"Too slow!" Quicksilver grabbed the metal figurine back and slapped Jack in the face.

"Hey! I stole that fair and square!" Jack said, reaching for it and rubbing his face.

"Shoe…" Ed picked up the little shoe.

"Hey, a little dog!" Naruto picked up the little dog marker. "At least it's not Akamaru…"

"Fine!" Jack said to Quicksilver. "If I can't be the race car, then I'll be-"

"A CANNON!" Zim said, picking up the cannon and throwing it down where the other pieces were set, making a few go flying. "If I MUST be something, I will be the HIDEOUS primitive _earth _cannon!"

Jack looked a little upset. "I was going to be the cannon…"

Starfire picked up the miniature iron, and looked at it. "Please, what is this little tool?"

"Dat's an iron," Grim responded, not looking entertained. "I don't really fancy being a player or what not…I know! I'll be the banker!"

"Uh…what else enables me to not do much?" Zolo asked inspecting the battleship and then putting it back.

"Someone must manage the deeds, I guess," Grim replied.

"Yeah, sure, I'll be Deed Manager."

Bender reached down. "I'll be the battleship thing! Lots of guns…" he looked at the battleship curiously.

"Oooh! Cash!" Yumi grabbed the moneybag.

"Wait…isn't this too many players?" Zolo asked.

Bender's head popped off and rolled around on the ground.

"Oh, crap! The second time this week!" he said, angrily.

Jack came out from behind Bender with a wrench. "Now are we OK?"

"No. I think six is the limit…"

"Then we need to ELIMINATE another person!" Zim yelled.

"Taken care of!" Jack's backpack started to unfold into a giant wheel-of-fortune type wheel. "Jack Spicer's Evil Wheel of Elimination!" He spun it. "Who will be eliminated?"

"From playing the game?" Yumi asked.

"Maybe…"

She took a few steps back.

The wheel stopped on Naruto. "Looks like you're out of the game, ninja kid!"

Naruto stood up defiantly. "WHAT? Says who! What if I don't want to be eliminated?"

Instead of answering his question, the rest of the group simply ignored him, turned around, and started playing.

"HEY! Don't ignore me!"

Nobody listened.

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"That's five sets of monopoly and all the railroads!" Yumi said. "No monopolies left to get except for what Spicer has! I win!" She started to dance.

Jack looked down. "At least I have the utilities and the orange streets…and New York Avenue has Jack Spicer's Evil Marriott Hotel…$400 a night! HAHAhahaHAH!"

Zim looked down in amazement. "Impossible! How could an insignificant _human _beat the all-powerful ZIM!"

Quicksilver looked defeated. "Yeah, what's your secret?"

"I'm not telling!" Yumi sang.

Starfire stood up happily, unaware of how badly she and the others were beaten. "I am happy for you, friend! You played well, and you even had the monopoly of the special-sounding and expensive Boardwalk and Park Place! I paid much to stay there in your hospitality!"

Ed looked nostalgic. "It's been weeks since I walked on a board…"

"Zolo, wake up! The game is over! I won!" Yumi said to Zolo.

"…huh? What?" he said, a little dazed. "Uh…great."

"You were bad at keeping the deeds!" Jack said to Zolo. "We had to get them ourselves!"

"At least I didn't roll over on them or anything."

"You were on the couch. They were on the table. There was a foot-and-a-half of floor between you!" Bender yelled, having just finished reassembling himself.

"Whatever…it could have been a really big roll."

**And with that, the members of the household went to their rooms to go to bed, or do something else…**


	5. Sugar High

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters within. Meep.**

Chapter 5: Sugar High

Starfire walked into her bedroom. Everyone in the mansion had their own spacious bedrooms. Starfire opened her communicators to contact the other Teen Titans.

"Calling in Robin," she said into the little communicator.

"I'm here Starfire. What are the people like in that…house?" he responded.

"Strange. They are very strange." Starfire said. She would've continued, but someone knocked at her door.

"Is that one of them now?" Robin asked.

"Maybe," Starfire went to answer her bedroom door. "Pietro?" she asked when she saw Quicksilver.

"YeahHiStarfireee!" He said. "IWasHungryAndStuffSoIWentToEatSomeCerealItWasTheMochaSyrupSugarBOMBOSWithAddedSugar! AaaaaaaaannnnnnndWeWereOutOfMilkSoIUsedRedBullInstead! ItGivesYouWings!" his eye twitched and he ran off down the hall.

"Very strange…" Starfire said as she closed her door.

Quicksilver ran down the hall towards Zim. When he reached Zim's door, he began pounding the door. After ten seconds of banging with shocking speed, Quicksilver's short attention span led him to Naruto's room. He didn't bother knocking and just burst open the door.

"YooooooooooooooooooNarutooooooooooo!" he stopped in his hyper tracks when he saw Zim poking wires into Naruto's ear. A small robot was break-dancing on Naruto's belly.

Zim looked at Quicksilver. "I can explain this…"

"YouCan'tDoThatIt'sSexualHarassmentInTheWorkplaceOrSomethingIllegal! SomethingMyDadToldMeToStop!" Quicksilver said, his shaking hand pointing at Zim (kind of).

"He won't tell me what CHAKRA is! So I took it upon myself to _probe _him!"

Gir squealed, "Can't touch this!"

"GIR! Be silent!"

"Whatever!" Quicksilver rocketed out of Naruto's room and down the hall. He ignored the door to Grim's room (there was a post-it note that said "Out reaping" on it.)

"Yumiiiiiiiiigirl!" Pietro burst into Yumi's room next. "YumiTellMeWhatItMeansWhenIHaveThisRecurringNightmareOf-" before he could finish, she shoved him halfway out of the door and put a foot on his butt. "Get…" she kicked him the rest of the way. "OUT!" Behind the door she could be heard finishing a cell phone conversation with Ami.

Quicksilver regained himself and ran down the hall to Bender's room. Even in a sugar high, he realized it would be smarter to spy on Bender rather than burst in on him. He opened the door slowly and quietly and crept inside.

"So tell me again: WHY did you travel backwards in time 1000 years to BE ON A GAMESHOW!" His friend and coworker Leela yelled at him from a videoscreen.

"Because, jerkwad, I was watching a history of reality TV on TV and I saw myself competing in this show," Bender explained. "I figured I had to time-travel and go on the show to keep the past intact. Besides, I can beat these meatbags with three servos tied behind my back!"

"How do you know?" his best friend Fry countered. "We never got to see the end."

"Besides," added Leela, "It's only kinda-sorta a contest anyway. Hey, who's that spying on you?"

Pietro saw no opportunities for blackmail, so he zipped out as Bender turned around, grabbing a jagged broken beer bottle.

"HEY ASSHOLE, GET BACK HERE!" Bender yelled, too late.

Pietro ran into Ed's room, intending to jump on the bed and yell to wake Ed up; however, Ed sat bolt upright when Quicksilver zoomed up onto his bed, ready to jump.

"VAMPIRE COLLEGE DROPOUTS!" Ed moaned; he was still dreaming, judging by his eyes still shut tight.

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Pietro staggered away from Ed's door, bleeding badly from the bridge of his nose. With surprising speed, the dozing Ed had loaded a piranha into a plunger's suction cup, which he then had stuck to Pietro's face. He then fell fully back to sleep.

Pietro decided to visit Zolo's room next. Tiptoeing in quietly, he followed the commands of his feverishly overstimulated brain, and the command was to yell in Zolo's ear, then make a tornado in the swordsman's room. _Zolo sleeps allll day,_ he thought. _He doesn't neeeed to sleep at night._

"GOOOOOOOOOOOD-ONE-IN-THE-MOORNING-ZOLO", he yelled in poor Zolo's ear. He started the tornado, but was interrupted by two flying swords. He found himself stuck to the wall: the katanas had missed him, but impaled his ugly maroon shirt, and he could not free himself.

"Grrrrrraaaaauuuuuuggghhhhhgrrrrrraaaaauuuuuwwwwwww," Zolo roared, staggering blindly towards his prey, clutching his other sword.

"EEP!" Pietro struggled and vibrated, painfully aware of his impending doom. At the last second, his hyperactive, superfast struggles burst him out of his shirt. He escaped; Zolo's blade cut only ugly reddish cotton. Zolo was too tired to hold a grudge, and he fell asleep as his head reached the bed.

Pietro realized he had run at random to Jack Spicer's room, the last person to annoy. With a grin, he kicked Spicer's unlocked door off of its hinges. He strode in to find Jack working on a laptop, and a purple ghost floating by his shoulder.

"WhatAreYouTwoUglyPeopleDoingIsItEeevilIsItIsItHuhHuh!" Pietro babbled, poking Jack in the face, back, and arms as he dashed around the room.

"I'm designing a nanoJackbot!" Jack proclaimed, rather proudly. "It can travel through the house's wiring and make the house attack you and… why am I telling you this? Why are you poking me, shirtless, in my room, after midnight! Jack Spicer, evil boy genius, does not roll that way!"

"I'mm starrtingg to doubt that, Jack! I haven't seen you express interrest in girrls, except for your robot cheeerleaders, ever!" the ghost interjected.

"You've only ever seen me with ugly evil girls, Wu Ya, like Katnappe, and, uh, you!"

"WWHAT did youu call MMEEE!

"Heyyy," Pietro interjected, "You'reAGhostWitchThing! CanYouPOSSESSPeople!What'sWithThatMaskIt'sUugly!AreYouGooooodToEAT!"

"ENOUGH!" Wu Ya screamed, fed up with the young mutant. "GO AWAY!"

Pietro was nervous because of what had happened so far tonight. "Okayy… JackYouShouldHaveToldUsYouWereHauntedOrSomething.G'night." Pietro decided he would go back to his room and dance to loud music until sunrise, or until he crashed, or until he became a good dancer – whichever came first.

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**Byebye.**


	6. Friends and Family Visiting Day Part 1

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons within. You're...a billy goat.**

**Friends and Family Visiting Day starts now! Whee!**

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Pietro had fallen asleep into his Rice Krispies. His face snapped, crackled, and popped. Pietro's sugar high had worn off long ago, and he was experiencing withdrawal. He only was able to lift his head a millimeter when Starfire wafted into the kitchen joyously.

"Friends! It is Friends and Family the Visiting Day! Be joyous, like me!"

"Visiting day? But yesterday was day one!" Grim snapped from his coffee. "I don't want to see those brats yet! I'm still enjoying meself!"

"I have no friends, and my family isn't seen on-camera!" Jack griped. "I'm going to my room." He grabbed a soda and left. Zim grabbed snacks and followed Spicer. "ZIM has no family, nor has he any _need_ for friends."

"Where are those two evil people going?" Bender asked, passing them on the way in.

"Whho carrrres…ugh," Pietro mumbled from his breakfast face.

"You're more tired than I am," Zolo laughed from his Mega Meat Omelet.

"His face… it's CEREAL!" Ed screamed in a mix of fear, shock, and happiness, and choking on his buttered toast as a result.

Naruto was eating ramen, because Quicksilver had eaten all the sugary stuff, and now he was sleeping it off in the Rice Krispies. Grim had animated the Corn Flakes and made them dance before eating them, and only Raisin Bran, which Naruto hated, was left as a breakfast food. Besides, Naruto liked ramen. Yumi walked in, shoved Naruto out of his seat, and finished his ramen. Yumi was not a morning person.

"Hey!" Naruto whined. "That was my ramen!"

"Stuff it," Yumi replied.

Naruto glared at Yumi. "I'm going to beat you and win the $50,000 and use it to buy things. Things that will help me become the next Hokage and win Sakura back from Sasuke!"

"I came here to _get away_ from people shouting out their dreams," Zolo complained. "Besides, the money is for anyone who stays sane long enough. You'll probably tie."

"I'll beat her anyway!" protested Naruto.

"Friends, please. If you do not quell your fighting, I shall be forced to recite the _entire_ Glorkan Cease-fire Epic Poem!"

Everybody shut up rather quickly. Starfire smiled. She knew how to stop Earthly arguments.

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About an hour later, Pietro was slightly more conscious. He was moving at somewhat normal speed (which worried everybody). He now lounged on the couch, watching E!. Everyone seemed relaxed, until a knock at the door jolted them out of their calmness and (soon to disappear) tranquility.

Yumi answered the door with a grumble.

"Hi!" Monkey D. Luffy was at the door. Yumi proceeded to slam the door. She walked away from the door, ignoring the shouting. However, she could not ignore the door being blasted off of its hinges by several punches and kicks.

"Hey guys. How'd you get here?" Zolo inquired from his recliner in the next room.

"By boat, of course." Nami was interested by the large house. "Are we early?"

"Dere's no sea or river for 20 miles!" Grim said, rather surprised.

"That's never stopped us before." Sanji claimed. Then he spied Yumi and Starfire. "Who are you princesses?

"How'd you know?" asked Starfire, slightly confused.

It didn't take long for the doorbell to ring again. This time Ed opened it. Fry had been telling Leela a joke. "…so I said 'Rectum? Damn near herpes!' Oh, hi. Is there a psychotic robot named Bender here?"

It took Ed 5 or 6 seconds to respond. He then pointed at Leela. "It's the Brainless Cyclops! Can I have your autograph?"

By the time Eddy and Edd arrived, Ed had only half-managed to dig his head out of the umbrella stand.

Eddy came in without knocking first. "Oooh, snazzy house!" Eddy walked around the foyer, and spotted a pretty crystal vase. "Hmm, wonder if this was expensive…"

"EDDY!" Ed jumped out of the umbrella stand and lunged forward to hug Eddy. Eddy dodged and dropped the vase in the process. "Oops. I, uh, didn't do it…"

Edd came in behind Eddy. "Hello, Ed!" I trust you're having fun here?"

"DOUBLE D!" Ed hugged Double D until he turned blue, then released him. "Yeah," Ed grabbed Quicksilver, Zolo, and Bender. "Look, I got friends! We're like brothers!" Ed hugged them all at once.

"Ecchh…" Zolo said.

Pietro pulled away. "I need personal space, you know!"

"Let go of me before I tear you to pieces," Bender growled.

Luffy and Fry looked shocked and hurt. "But I thought _we _were your friends!" they said in unison, Luffy turning to Zolo and Fry turning to Bender.

Zolo ignored Luffy and turned to see what the Straw Hat Crew was doing. Nami was inconspicuously grabbing some gold candlesticks she saw and trying to stuff them down her shirt. Sanji was flirting with Yumi and Starfire, and must've said the wrong thing, because Yumi kicked him in the groin and he collapsed, squirming in pain. Luffy ran off to raid the fridge. Usopp was telling a tall tale about a giant salmon-dragon to Ed, Fry, Bender, and Zim.

Pietro looked at his watch. "Annnnd…they should be arriving just about…" Pietro dashed over to the door and opened it, revealing his mutant group of teenage friends, the Brotherhood.

"Umm…" Avalanche looked at Pietro. "We didn't knock or ring the doorbell."

"I know that,"

Wanda, Pietro's twin sister, walked in. "Nice house…I trust you're not causing any trouble, Pietro?" she raised an eyebrow.

"No, Wanda. I am being a good boy." Pietro tried to look innocent.

Wanda turned to Zolo. "Is he causing trouble?"

"You bet,"

"Uh…" Pietro said. "I'm going to get drinks!"

"Grog!" Zolo yelled.

"Fine, whatever!"

"And hoagies!" Blob added helpfully.

"OK!" Pietro angrily yelled.

It was another 20 minutes before the next guests arrived. In that amount of time, 3 rooms were trashed, and Luffy beat Blob in a hot-dog-eating contest, to everyone's amazement and disgust. Zim answered the door. "Who dares add more people to the house of ZIMMMM… and others!"

Billy and Mandy just walked right past Zim, causing him to gnaw on the door frame in anger and frustration.

"Oh, it's you two." Grim replied, not all happy to see them.

"What do have to do to get appetizers around here?" Mandy snapped.

"Shut up, shorty." Yumi replied.

"Both of you shut up!" Wanda shouted. All three were locked in an angry mass glare.

Billy was snacking on the corn dogs. When they were finished, he and Ed began doing various silly things with the sticks, and other people (Naruto, Luffy, and a slightly drunk Zolo) began to join in.

The Teen Titans knocked on the door, and it fell in. They shrugged and joined the party, guided by an elated Starfire. Beast boy scanned for vegan snacks, Cyborg for snacks in general, Robin grabbed a slice of pizza and started talking to Naruto about belt-holstered weapons of various types, and Raven joined the angry glare fight for no real reason.

"Ding dong!" Ed said in unison with the doorbell.

"Maybe it's Ami!" Yumi opened the door and did indeed see her pink-haired, cheerful best friend and fellow rocker.

"Yumi!" She said enthusiastically and pulled Yumi into a hug.

Ed looked puzzled. "Hey…you'll hug her, but you won't hug me! HUG ME!"

"Ignore the idiot parade, Ami…" Yumi began to say, but trailed off when Ami ignored Yumi reached over and hugged Ed. "_I'll _hug you!"

"More cute girls!" Sanji rushed over to Ami. "Hello, darling! May you pleasure me with your name? I am Sanji, and I am very elated to-" Sanji was interrupted by Yumi's grabbing him by the head and tossing him to the side.

"Maybe you should meet some of the others, instead. This is Starfire."

"Hi! I'm Ami!" Ami said happily, sticking out her hand in greeting.

"I am Starfire! I am extremely pleased to meet you!"

"Yay! Me, too!"

"Will you please become one of my new friends!"  
Ami's smile spread even farther across her face. "Yes, I will!"

They unknowingly began a cheerful-off, and Jack Spicer had to come to the living room to complain.

"HEY! What's going on up here? I can feel the warm fuzzies from down in my lab!"

"Won't you join the cheerful cheerfulness, evil boy genius friend?" Starfire asked Jack hopefully. Jack shrieked as his clothes spontaneously combusted.

Yumi rejoined the glare-fest. "I need some ill will to make me feel better after looking at you two."

The bell rang again, and Nami opened the door. "Hi," Kakashi greeted. "We're Naruto Uzumaki's friends."

Nami smiled her most winning smile. "Any friend of a friend of Zolo's, is a friend of mine." She let them in, and as Kakashi passed, he looked knowingly at Nami, who gulped and giggled nervously. Sakura began introducing herself to people, Kakashi went to talk to Naruto, and Sasuke surveyed the room, clearly bored. Then he saw girls of all ages glaring at each other, and what passed for excitement flickered across his face. He tried to join the group, but Raven slammed him back with her powers. "No boys allowed," Mandy scolded him.

"Hello there, gorgeous," Sanji said to Sakura a few feet away, offering her a rose.

"One moment, handsome," Sakura worked on something for a few seconds, then handed an envelope to Sanji, smiling sweetly. Sanji happily opened the envelope, and held the note to his face. He frowned; the letter only had the Japanese symbol for 'explode' written on it. Then he screamed and rolled on the floor, clutching his burning face. Sakura kicked him in the stomach.

"CHA!" she screamed. "I'm only 13, creep!"

"Call… me… in… 5 years," Sanji gasped.

Everybody then looked up from what they were doing. The glaring between the 'tough, dark girls', especially Raven and Wanda, had caused glass all across the room to start breaking. Yumi bailed out, as her face had begun to bleed, and ran from the room. Wanda and Raven's powers were locked together, so they couldn't leave, and Mandy was experienced enough with supernatural forces to withstand them. Zolo had to sneak up and knock their heads together to prevent the house's collapse.

"I'm not flirting with those two with a ten-foot ladle," Sanji commented.

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**Friends and Family Visiting Day will continue next chapter! CHA!**

**Now review. DO IT.**


	7. Friends and Family Visiting Day Part 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters within. I know, it's scary that there are so many and I don't own even one.**

**Ah, Truth or Dare...a game for the ages. A game that says, "What better way to demonstrate how humans think than to embarrass your best friends with harmful and dangerous questions and dares?" -musical background voice: _"Humiliation..."_**

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"I have an idea!" Ed shouted.

"Ed! You had an idea?" Double D sounded excited. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a notepad and fountain pen. "Tell me Ed, hurry! Before you lose it!"

"PARTY GAMES!" Ed declared happily.

"A wonderful idea!" Starfire said. She flew into a closet and came out with a few different games. "We have the game called 'Twister'…"

"No," at least fifteen different voices said at once.

"I'm game," Sanji smiled.

"OOH! OOOOOH! TRUTH OR DARE! TRUTHORDARE!" Billy shouted.

"Truth or dare!" Ed agreed.

"I'll start!" Nami said happily, marching into the center of the room. "Okay, Mr. You With The Wild Gray Hair!" Nami looked at Kakashi. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," he replied, not looking up from his book.

"What's under that mask?"

He thought for a moment. "An eye,"

Nami seemed unsatisfied, but nevertheless went back in the crowd of people to join the rest of the Straw Hat Crew. Kakashi continued reading.

"Hello? Kakashi Sensei? It's your turn!" Naruto shouted.

"Huh? Oh, right. Uhh…" he looked around the room, thinking of a way to get out of this the easy way. He looked at Yumi. "You there. Truth or dare?"

"Um…dare!" Yumi declared confidently. Ami gasped in apprehension.

"I dare you to blink."

"Huh?" Yumi blinked in confusion

"There you go. Now you can pick a victim." Kakashi went back to his book.

"Uh…okay!" Yumi turned to Pietro. "Okay, Maximoff. Truth or dare?"

"Do you honestly think I'll say 'truth'?" He replied smugly.

"Fine, I dare you to squirt the inside of your shoes with honey and molasses and wear them."

"What?" he looked puzzled and disgusted. "That's the stupidest dare ever!"

"Does it matter?"

"Fine!" he growled. Pietro zipped into the kitchen, reached into the pantry, took out the molasses and honey and threw his shoes off. The speed demon then smeared the molasses and squirted the honey inside until it was all full up. Then with another look of disgust, he stuck his socks inside the sticky, gooey mess.

"Ha!" Yumi pointed at him and stuck out her tongue.

"Whatever. It's my turn now!" Pietro stared at his potential victims, his blue eyes scanning the crowd. "Ed, truth or dare?"

"Sandwich."

"Actually, let's try someone else. ZIM! Truth… or DARE!"

Zim thought for a moment. "I do not reveal truths to _humans_. However, ZIM is _filled_ with daring! Thusly, dare is chosen by ZIM!"

Pietro grinned. "Zim, I dare you to tar and feather yourself, then run around the room clucking like a chicken."

"Green chicken!" Ed cried out happily.

Zim looked around the room nervously. "May I have the 'sandwich' option instead?"

Five minutes later, Zim was spitting hot black tar and ugly white feathers from his mouth. "It is the turn of ZIM now, monkeys!" He screamed, pulling himself free of Ed's bear hug. "YOU!" he pointed at Raven, "Take a dare, or supply me with _truth_!

"Okay, truth," Raven responded coolly.

"JUST AS I EXPECTED!" Zim yelled in elation, pointing at the Teen Titan. "I demand _total_ knowledge of your magics and how they work. Give the _knowLEDGE_!"

"Alright, _take it_." A bolt of black energy leaped from Raven's forehead to Zim's. His body crackled with the energy, his wig and left eyepiece flew off (as well as the tar and feathers), and he fell to the ground, gurgling and frothing at the mouth. "He wanted the knowledge, and I gave him a direct download," Raven said calmly. Wanda poked him a little, and laughed when he just twitched a little.

"If all Irkens are like him, Tamaran has nothing to fear!" Starfire exclaimed happily.

"My turn," Raven said with a smile that sent shivers up the spines of most people present. "You," she pointed at Double D, "What'll it be?"

"Oh dear," Double D said, shaking as everybody stared at him. "D-d-d-NO! T-truth!"

"Excellent." The smile stayed on Raven's lips. "Tell us what's under your hat. Or better yet, _show us_."

"NO WAY! NEVER!" Double D loudly protested.

"You have no choice."

"Okay, I'll show you in a minute. I need to get ready."

_Wait a minute, _Kakashi thought to himself, _What if it's a weapon? I'd better check it out_. Kakashi discretely adjusted his mask, and as Double D took off his hat, he caught a sharingan-enhanced peek. "Ugh…excuse me." Kakashi ran to the bathroom, as Sakura hugged Sasuke in fear, causing Sasuke to feel several emotions at once and fail to express any of them.

When Double D had replaced his hat, 7 people total had thrown up. Billy's nose had deflated. Pietro had tried to run; however, due to the condiments in his shoe, he had lost control, and hit a wall headfirst, then slumped to the floor, bleeding from his temple. Double D wanted to shift the attention away from himself, so he quickly picked a target. "Um…err…uhhhhyou!" he said unconfidently, picking Leela. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," responded Leela, "but if you ask about my eye, I'll kick you so hard your grandfather will have the wind knocked out of him."

"Uh-oh…uhh…ummm… is that your natural hair color?"

"No. MY TURN!" She looked at Jack Spicer, who was trying to quietly drag Zim out of the room. "Truth or dare, kid?"

"Uh, heh heh, hi. I'm not playing." Jack continued to drag the small, comatose alien.

Leela aimed a laser pistol at Jack. "You are now."

"FINE, I WILL! I pick dare! Because I'm Jack Spicer, evil boy genius!"

"Yeah, we've heard it all before," Zolo interrupted.

"Hmm…" Leela thought to herself. "It'll be short and sweet. Light your hair and pants on fire!"

"BOTH? Are you kidding?"

"Nope,"

"Ugh, great, I'll need some sort of lighter fluid, though,"

Bender took a swig of beer, walked over to Jack, and just breathed fire on him.

"I love that! Except when it's on me, I mean…" Fry said.

Wanda grinned cruelly, and raised her hands with her blue energy pulsing out. "You know, it would be _unlucky_ if his eyes lit on fire…"

Eventually, Jack was put out, and Wanda was held back before retinal burning took place. When Jack wiped soot off of himself, he looked over at Mandy. "It's my turn! You! Girl! Who scowls a lot! I dare you to smile!"

"No, it'll rip a hole in the dimension," Mandy said, bored.

"It's been proven!" Grim said, shaking his scythe for effect.

"Oh… then I get a new pick!" Jack said hopefully. "Hey, Reaper, truth… or DAARRE! Mwa ha ha ha haa haa haa hhaaa!"

"With that evil laugh, I'm picking truth, mon."

"That works too! So tell me, Grim, where can I get a scythe like that?

Grim looked uncomfortable. "I shouldn't be telling you dis… but it is truth or dare. Go to It'll be expensive, though."

"Cool. As far as you know, I can afford just about anything!" Jack wrote it down on the back of his hand. "Wuya will be _soooo_ pissed when I can bring her back to life… BUT WON"T!"

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**Don't go to that website. It's not real.**

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	8. Friends and Family Visiting Day Part 3

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons within. Ask a ninja.**

**Friends and Family Visiting Day ends this chapter! Read on!**

* * *

"Alright, everyone," Grim declared to all present. "It be my turn, but I'm ending this game of truth or dare. It's almost sundown anyway. We need dinner, and then we need you all to go home."

"I'll help with dinner!" Sanji offered.

"Thanks. My chefbots could use a head chef to help keep everything organized." Jack replied, having locked Zim away somewhere.

"Yeah," Yumi added, "Last night we had a Mexican appetizer, pepperoni pizza as the main course, and Chinese food as the side dish."

"Well, they haven't coordinated yet, but the food's good!" Jack said defensively.

They spent the rest of the afternoon and evening partying. Sanji managed to get the robots to whip up a fabulous dinner, and most of the dishes made sense together. Bender, Zolo, and everybody else who liked to get themselves loaded did just that, and to everybody's surprise (except her fellow crew members present), Nami easily out-drank the Blob, who was, at absolute minimum, 10 times her weight. All present laughed as Blob passed out, crushing the table. Pietro, Eddy, and Beast Boy somehow managed to hit it off, reenacting the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie together (after some arguing, they reached an agreement: Eddy was Jack Sparrow, Beast Boy was Will Turner and the dog with the keys, and Quicksilver was everyone else).

Somebody had spiked Jack Spicer's evil cola, and he was acting all sad and lonely as people laughed at him and videotaped him. Ami danced with the soused villain to cheer him up. Raven went over to the corner and asked to see what Kakashi was reading. Afterwards, she had to be alone for a while. Video games were found, and Avalanche and Cyborg beat all challengers in a tag-team wrestling game (to the chagrin of Beast Boy and Fry). The biggest scare of the night happened when the chocolate fountain to be used for dessert vanished, and 10 minutes later Gir burst through the floorboards and attacked the Teen Titans with any and all chocolate based attacks imaginable (he had disguised himself to Sanji as an empty chocolate fountain). The Titans took a while to defeat him, and in fact needed help from Luffy, Sasuke, Toad, and anyone else sober and conscious enough to help, further damaging the kitchen and dining room. Everybody only agreed to stop partying when the first floor of the house began to collapse in on itself.

As people hurried out the door, Kakashi turned to Nami. "I believe you have something of mine.

"Eh heh heh, what makes you say that?" Nami replied nervously.

"Give me my wallet back," Kakashi warned her, "While I'm still asking you nicely." He drew a scroll from his pocket and twirled it around his finger.

"Spoilsport," Nami grumbled, returning her prize, "but at least I got the paintings out of the house."

"Sooo, what do you all wanna do next?" Quicksilver queried as they walked outside to avoid the second floor falling on them.

"I"- Mandy started.

Too bad! Time to go!" Pietro interrupted. "C'mon, scoot scoot!

Everyone began to leave, grumbling. Leela pressed a button on her armband, and she and Fry shimmered and vanished. Ami had a stretch limo waiting. "Who has the ship keys?" Luffy asked.

"I do!" Usopp said proudly, staggering a bit. "I'm the desecrated driver."

"You got that right," Sanji snickered.

The Brotherhood was leaving. "Aren't you coming, Cuddle-hunny?" Toad asked.

"No, Todd, I'm camping out front of the house tonight. "I've got a ride home for tomorrow night."

"Oh, yeah, right."

The Teen Titans got into their T-ship. Kakashi looked at Wanda's watch without her noticing. "Time to go," He whispered to Sasuke and Sakura. He pointed at the roof of the house, and said out loud, "What's that?" By the time Mandy realized that nothing was there, Naruto's friends were gone.

"Stupid ninjas." She dialed a number on her cell phone, and dragged a snoring Billy into the warp rift appearing in front of them.

Double D had seen enough technology that afternoon to jury-rig a teleporter to get them home. "'Bout time," Eddy grumbled as it flashed, a few pieces falling off as they disappeared.

"Right," Pietro said, briskly rubbing his hands together. "Let's clean up this mess." Nobody had taken more than two steps when Pietro ran out of patience (no surprise there). "Fine, if you guys are going to procrastinate, I'll do it myself!" He zipped around the room, cleaning up every piece of trash, food, and plaster on the floor and other surfaces in less than ten seconds, eliciting stares from the other contestants. "You guys have to repair the roof, walls, and other structural damage."

"That's okay," Jack reassured everyone. "The house will fix itself."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Yumi asked suspiciously.

"Nuthin'," Jack lied.

* * *

As everyone else went to get some rest (it had been a _long_ day), Pietro looked out the window. "Wait, why is Wanda camping in our front lawn? Visiting day is over. And why am I talking to myself?

"I can answer that," A grumpy voice said matter-of-factly. "Your sister is camping out front because **friends and famil**_y_ visiting day may be over, but** enemies' **visiting day starts tomorrow at noon. Wanda is as much your archenemy as she is your twin sister. As for your other question, constant high-speed traveling is slowly warping your brain. You'll wind up evil or retarded, or in your case, more evil or more retarded."

"Who is that?" Pietro asked nervously, confirming that the room was, indeed, empty.

"It's the house, dumbass," replied the walls (which already seemed less scarred).

"Maybe I should get some rest before tomorrow." Pietro grabbed some ice water and zipped out of the kitchen.

* * *

**BOO!**


	9. Enemies Visiting Day INITIATED

**Everyone has their enemies visiting. 'Cept for Yumi and Ed cause they don't have enemies. (Kevin couldn't come cause I siad he couldn't come. And I write the fanfic. Or do I?)**

* * *

It was almost noon as a healing Zim went to get the door. When he opened the door, he was surprised to see his archenemy Dib at the door, with no real expression (he was just there). Zim did nothing except for close the door, rub his eyes and open the door. When it was reopened, Dib was standing smiling a wide toothy grin. Zim closed it and tried again. When the door was reopened again, Dib had an even wider grin and some sort of oversized tazer-like tool that was giving off green and blue static discharge, and an irritated-looking Gaz next to him. Zim slammed the door in Dib's face and ran out of the well-decorated foyer.

He met up with Yumi and Zolo on the way, who were discussing the pros and cons of having overly optimistic roommates (or in Zolo's case, boat mates).

"AAH! Angry she-human! Lazy man! The almighty and begging-but-still-powerful ZIM asks for your assistance!" Zim said quickly, in a bit of panic.

"What? What?" Yumi said, unsure of what was going on. Zolo was unsure, too, but wasn't that affected by Zim's panic.

"There's my arch-nemesis Dib at the front door, and he has a weaPON of destruction and chaaaaaooos! Probably more weapons! He's going to hunt me down in an unfamiliar environment!"

Zolo began to take his swords out of their holders. "Relax, Zim. Where is this guy?" Zim pointed toward the front door.

When Zolo reached the front door, he opened it, but he didn't see Dib, so he stepped out. Yumi and a reluctant Zim followed.

"Hmm…" Yumi thought to herself.

"What?" Zolo turned to her.

"Has the house next door ever been occupied? The one with two stories and the big oak tree?"

"Nooo… In fact, there was no house next door yesterday. That sounds like this house…"

"Are you sure it wasn't there, and occupied…by a few dozen people who… put banners on the house…" Yumi was confused. "…saying that they are enemies of you?"

"WHAT?" Zolo looked at the house next door. It was indeed filled with people now, as there was what sounded like a party going on. There were also banners across the side of the house facing the "Who Wants To Stay Sane" household, all of which said "Enemies of Zolo!" and "We Hate Zolo!" and variations of those.

"Hey, Roronoa Zolo!" Buggy the Pirate Clown stuck his head out of one of the windows. "We're having a great time over here, drinking beer and thinking of ways to make you suffer!"

The swordsman Hawk-Eye Mihawk sat on the roof, brooding. "I hate you enough to be separated from those buffoons inside the house,"

"Shut up Frenchy!" Axe-Hand Morgan yelled.

"I'm Spanish," Mihawk complained, "but that horrible American version of the show dubbed me with a French accent."

Zolo said nothing and stood with his mouth hanging open. He then proceeded to walk calmly towards the other side of the house. Yumi and Zim followed to see what he would do next. When Zolo had reached his destination, he opened up the door of the cellar and crawled inside. "Yumi, tell Starfire to seal it shut for me with her powers. Thank you."

Pietro zipped out of the back door and over to Zolo's cellar. "Hey, what's your problem?"

"I have a house full of people who want me dead occupying the entire brand-new household next door." Zolo grumbled.

"Yeah, I know, it _is_ enemy visiting day." Pietro opened up a can of Mountain Dew.

"So why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't figure I was the only one the house told."

Yumi looked at Pietro. "What do you mean 'the house told'?"

"The house talked to me last night and this morning it wasn't damaged anymore." Pietro finished his Dew. "Why, didn't the house insult you yet?"

"Hey!" Bender stumbled into their group with a beer bottle in hand (as usual). "Man, those people next door sure do know how to party! And they hate you, Zolo. What the hell did you do anyway?"

"In most cases, I chopped them up, or their first mates," Zolo replied.

"That's awesome!" Pietro laughed.

Jack Spicer walked out. "So this is where everybody is! What are we doing crowding around here?" Jack suddenly looked up in the sky. "Hey, what a cool jet!"

Pietro's smile faded. "…jet?" he looked up and kept his eyes on the jet as it landed. All the residents of the X-Mansion came out, Professor X and Wolverine leading the way.

"Oh _shit_!" Pietro dropped his empty can. He grabbed Yumi by the shoulders. "Distract them! I was never here! Please, purple-haired girl! You're my last hope, and you aren't busy or anything! It's not like you have any enemies!" Pietro talked fast and dashed inside the house and past Starfire, who was coming out to investigate the jet landing. Pietro turned to Starfire quickly before continuing his flee. "You never saw me!"

"Please Yumi, what is this jet doing in our yard? And why is this Zolo in the basement?" Starfire looked over at Zolo, puzzled.

"Shut up!" Zolo hissed. "Don't say anything about me out loud! Especially not outside!"

"I don't even get what's going on! Maximoff is holding information!" Yumi looked angry. "Get this, Starfire: Pietro said that the house talked to him last night. Apparently, today is 'Enemies Visiting Day'. Everyone's worst enemy, or enemies are coming over. Zim's have already showed up, Zolo's got a house full of them, and Pietro says…" Yumi pointed at the X-Men. "…that these are his enemies. I don't know why they're his enemies, I recognize them as superheroes from Ami's comics."

"Please, who are Zim's enemies?" Starfire asked Yumi. Yumi looked over at Zim.

"They are two _hideous _earth children! One has a humongous head!" Zim responded.

"Yes, I invited them in. I am sorry; I had no idea…" Starfire looked guilty.

Zim climbed into the cellar with Zolo. "Okay, I'm going to hide out in here, and dig a tunnel to my lab, where I can get my weapons."

"Wait, wait, hold on!" Jack held up his hands. "Where did Pietro get this information about Enemies' Visiting Day again?"

"He said the house talked to him. That boy has to stay away from my drinks…" Bender said.

Jack smiled triumphantly. "The house spoke to him? That means the new configuration Zim and I…" Jack trailed off when he saw Yumi, Starfire, Zolo, and Bender staring at him. "I mean, the house spoke to him? Funky! By the way, Bender, do you have any enemies?"

"None that stand out."

"Oh, really?" The Robot Devil asked dramatically as he entered.

"Right, right, you _are_ a recurring character," Bender admitted

"I found him in my lab cheating my Jackbots in poker. He had 9 aces! 9!" Jack complained.

"Gambling is a sin," the Robot Devil said happily. "If I had gotten them to take up religion, I could've taken them to Robot Hell."

Wanda came around the side of the house. "I'm going to show the X-Men inside now. Which way did my brother go?" In response to this, Yumi pointed behind herself, Starfire pointed behind Wanda, Jack pointed up, and Bender pointed down. The Robot Devil pointed the right way, inside the house. Wanda shrugged and led the mutant superheroes inside the mansion.

A doorbell ring was audible from the backyard. Starfire giggled nervously. "I would like to get it…but I am afraid it might be _my_ enemy…"

Yumi rolled her eyes. "I'll get it." She started walking inside and down the marble-floored hallway when she met up with Naruto along the way. "Hey, Ninja Boy."

"Hey, Rocker Girl. What's up?" Naruto looked ready to start the day.

"Apparently, today is Enemies Visiting Day and people are getting visits form their worst enemies. I'm just answering the door for Starfire, I think she's afraid to."

Naruto crossed his arms bravely. "I'll answer the door for her!"

"It could be your worst enemy, too."

Naruto uncrossed his arms and shot his fist in the air. "I don't care! I'm not scared! And trust me, if you knew who my worst enemies, you'd probably be scared out of your punk rocker clothes! If I can't face my fears, then I'll never become the next Hokage of-"

Yumi pushed him towards the foyer. "Shut up! Just go!"

"Fine, I will!" Naruto stomped over to the door. When he opened it, he came face-to-face with a tall, pretty, dark-haired girl with a build just like Starfire's and a black version of Starfire's outfit. "Hi…" Naruto cleared his throat and smiled widely. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto! I'm a shinobi of Konoha Leaf Village!"

"Hi, I'm Blackfire, Starfire's older sister and constant plotter of her ultimate downfall. This…" she pointed behind her to a shadowed, tall man with a mask covering his face. "…is Slade. He's my…partner for now!" Blackfire smiled fakely and a little evilly.

Slade handed Naruto a potted plant. "This is a seemingly harmless plant, a gift for Starfire. Make sure she gets it."

"Whatever!" Naruto plopped the potted plant on the floor beside him. "Hey, Starfire, your sister and worst enemy is here!" He called out. Naruto was just about to leave after Slade and Blackfire stepped in the house when the doorbell rang yet again. "Oh, what now!" he griped, getting frustrated.

"Hello. I am Omi, and this is Clay, Raimundo, and Kimiko. We are Jack Spicer's worst enemies, and we are here to meet his friends, see how he is doing, and possibly beat the boogers out of him," Omi greeted, a huge smile stretching across his big yellow head.

"Beat the **snot** out of him," Raimundo corrected.

"That too."

"You guys don't look like anyone's worst enemies. You look like the United Nations Jr. had a pajama party!" Naruto said, happy to find somebody he dared to insult.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!" Kimiko screamed. She then kicked Naruto in the chest, lighting his orange jumpsuit on fire.

Naruto hurriedly put the fire out. "Jack! Your not friends are here to see you!" _Where are _my_ enemies?_ He thought to himself.

"Awww, Naruto, we wouldn't forget about you." Orochimaru cooed, tapping on the window. Naruto fell over in terror. "What the HELL are you doing?"

Part of the wall exploded as a large cage came crashing thru. "Visiting you, and reading your thoughts," Orochimaru answered, reappearing on top of the cage. "You won't believe the trouble I went through to bring Gaara."

"Hi," Gaara said unfeelingly from inside the cage.

"Oh, Kabuto had to take a refresher course on 'Pretending You're Lame', and couldn't come. He sends his regards!" Orochimaru added, checking in a mirror to ensure his skin tone was white enough.

The doorbell rang once more. "There is NO way I'm getting it!" Naruto commented.

"Fine, I'll get it. A big strong ninja _you _are." Yumi jeered as she walked over to the door and opened it, revealing Mandy on the other side. "Oh, it's YOU."

"Yeah, it's ME." Mandy stepped inside. "I'm technically Grim's enemy as much as his friend. Nergal couldn't make it, he was having trouble with transportation. He was trying to get through the toilet."

"THAT explains the pillar of boiling water!" Pietro called from the bathroom.

"If you think I'm cleaning that up…" the House said.

"I'll probably get stuck with it!" Grim complained.

* * *

**Wow. Uber-chapter.**

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	10. Enemies Visiting Day CONTINUES

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters within. Of course, you already knew that. Right? RIIIGHT?**

**Enemies Visiting Day continues. In this chapter, some of our characters decide they want their enemies gone! How will they do it? Find out by reading, DUH.**

* * *

"Zolo, please come out of the cellar," Starfire hovered over to the cellar doors where Yumi and Pietro were already trying to convince Zolo to come out.

"Come out, stop being a coward. Besides, not all of those guys look so tough!" Yumi pointed out.

Pietro rubbed his arms nervously. "Yeah, and besides, I need someone to protect me!"

"Ohhh, Pietro…dear brother…" Wanda's voice sounded out as she began to walk around the corner of the backyard.

"OH SHIT!" Pietro zipped back into the house and almost ran into Ed. "Ed! Go out there and distract the angry looking girl at all costs!" Pietro continued to run deeper into the house.

"Yes, your cabbage-ness!" Ed saluted the air to the left of where Pietro was standing and obediently walked outside and stood in front of the Scarlet Witch. But before he could say anything, she simply hexed him hard, blasting him out of the way. She walked up to Starfire and Yumi with a purpose. "Okay, where is he?"

"Um…who is this you speak of?" Starfire tried to look innocent.

"YOU KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT. My brother!"

"Um…you have a brother?" Starfire lied badly.

Wanda scowled at the other girls and blasted her hex at the cellar. An explosion was heard inside, and Zolo shouted and stumbled out, coughing, and looking slightly burned. A puff of green-yellow smoke exited with him. "WHAT THE HELL! It smells like garlic!"

"I did wonder what those capsules were for…" Zim came out, badly disguised in a pair of sunglasses, borrowed from Pietro.

"You know, I wouldn't think you're scared of your enemies to the point of disguising yourself." Yumi told Zim.

"I'm not SCARED, foolish noisy earth girl!" Zim straightened up his sunglasses when they began to fall off and became crooked. "I am simply not in very familiar _environment_. AND I am not even sure if all of YOU _hideous_ _earth people _are my friends or fooooooeeeeeesssss!"

"For the last time, I am not of Earth!" Starfire yelled at Zim.

Yumi had ignored Zim by now. "Hey Zolo, is that…um…cannon aimed at you?" Yumi pointed to the Zolo-enemy-occupied house next door.

"Oh for…" Zolo and the rest of the house residents jumped out of the way when Buggy the Clown's hideous laugh sounded, and a cannonball was shot directly at Zolo.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH THOSE PEOPLE!" Yumi shouted at Zolo.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEIR PROBLEM IS!" Zolo shouted back in response.

"Their problem is that their karaoke skills are weak," Ed said.

"Just like mine!" Cyclops said, standing in front of his group of X-Men. "Have you seen a boy by the name of Pietro Maximoff anywhere around here?"

"Uh…I don't know. Describe him, please?" Starfire asked sweetly.

"He's got silver hair and arrogance. You can't miss him. TRUST ME."

"Your earthly ways are strange to me…"

"TELL me about it!" Zim commented.

"HEY! Who's firing at me!" House yelled out, his voice going through the hallways inside the house.

Zolo realized that maybe since House could talk, he might have some defense mechanisms as well. "The house next door! They've got cannons!"

House sighed in frustration. Roof tile shuriken began shooting rapidly of the roof to the beautiful mansion to the left. Just a faint of cry of "Ay caramba!" could be heard as the mansion collapsed.

Zolo, Starfire, Yumi, and The X-Men all had their jaws drop in disbelief.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" House queried.

"THAT WAS THE WRONG HOUSE!" Everyone yelled in unison.

"They'll get over it. It's called 'insurance', you know."

"What would that be covered by?" Yumi asked.

"'Acts of God'."

"_Acts of God?_!"

"For all you know, I am God." The cantankerous house protested.

The laughter at Zolo's House of Enemies grew louder due to House's mistake. Zolo cringed in fear at the heinous sound of his worst enemies laughing, as another cannonball was being loaded.

House caught the noise as well. "More cannonballs? Screw that! Everybody inside, or you're off this show!"

Everybody ran inside, and Don Krieg cheerfully changed the aim of the large cannon to point at the first story of House. The cannonball struck the window… and bounced back. Apparently, the window was distinctly rubber. "Ahhh, the memories," Zolo remarked nostalgically. The cannonball bounced right back into the cannon that had fired it.

"WATCH OUT!" Buggy cried, his voice warping with stress. "THAT WAS ONE OF MY SPECIAL BUGGY BALLS!" A gout of flame, followed by a trickle of smoke, drifted from the window. Screams of pain came from Zolo's House of Enemies now instead of raucous laughter. Instead the raucous laughter came from Jack, Zim, Bender, and Pietro, who had all witnessed the whole scene.

"Dat _was_ pretty funny, mon," remarked Grim, who had seen the whole thing. He and Naruto walked in (they had been trying to psychoanalyze Gaara, so one of Grim's arms had been crushed to dust by sand). "Hey, have any of you seen Mandy?"

"I'm right here." Mandy slowly and dramatically rose out of Grim's shadow.

"Wait just a second!" Naruto yelled, catching Mandy in the act. "How did you do that!"

"Do what?"

"Yeah, yeah, that whole thing with them blowing themselves up was pretty funny, but it'll only keep them occupied for so long; they'll recover soon." Zolo looked worried, and almost reached his fingernails up to his mouth to start biting them but stopped. Zolo looked around. "Where's Yumi? Wasn't she here just a minute ago?"

"I don't know. Why?" Pietro asked.

Naruto answered for Zolo. "Because she scares the crap out of me, and she'll be able to scare off our enemies while we trick them into leaving…or something!"

"Great idea. I'll go get her." Pietro ran deeper into the house and came out five seconds later with Yumi. She had a walkman and headphones, which she pulled off and shot a glare at Pietro.

"Hey Maximoff, why'd you do that? I was getting in the rock zone! And I need influence to write music for my band. If I don't get in the zone, the lyrics-"

"YOU need to be our _securityyyy!"_ Zim interrupted her loudly.

"Uh…what?" Yumi turned to Zim.

"It's not that we're wusses or anything, we can take care of ourselves and stuff, but you need to keep all our enemies occupied, or better yet, scare some of them off while we try to figure out a way to get 'em to leave!" Naruto responded.

"'We' is who?"

"Zim, Pietro, Naruto, Jack and I." Zolo answered from inside the cellar.

"Yeah, I don't need any purple-haired meatbag help…" Bender said, looking slightly woozy.

"Wait! You want me to scare off two psycho kids, a team of mutant superheroes and a crazy, super-powered, violent teenage girl, two super-freak ninjas, a bunch of freaky monk kids, and an entire HOUSE full of drunk, angry pirates, and a couple of drunk, angry naval officers?" Yumi put her hands on hips.

"That's about the size of it!" Jack smiled.

"And if you don't…" Pietro took out a couple of packed cardboard boxes. "Then I'll have no choice…"

Yumi's jaw dropped. "Those are my CDs!"

"Yeah, I took them when I took you. And let's see what's in here and at stake shall we?" Pietro smiled evilly and opened the first box. "Let's see what we have here. My Chemical Romance? Green Day? Hmm, let's see, there's also Gorillaz, Fall Out Boy, Blue October…and some old CDs, Bruce Springsteen, Grateful Dead, Queen…" Pietro looked closer at some colorful CDs. "Uh…some Japanese rock bands I can't pronounce the names of…" Pietro smiled widely and took a Green Day CD, a Fall Out Boy CD, and a Japanese pop rock CD in his hands. "These are good CDs…" He cracked them in half. "CRACK! And now they're not!"

"AAH! No! Fine! I'll scare off some weirdos! Stop it!" Yumi grabbed her CDs back. She stomped over to Wanda. "Why are you here anyway?"

"To torture my brother," Wanda responded.

"It'll torture him more if you leave now and he'll be thinking that you're around every corner, watching him and waiting for the perfect chance to pounce and get your revenge in the _worst way_."

Wanda tapped her chin, thinking. After a minute, she grunted in response to Yumi and walked off, seemingly satisfied with the idea.

Yumi turned to the X-Men. "Hey, superheroes!"

"Yes?" Cyclops walked towards Yumi.

"I suggest you leave. That 'boy genius' over there…" Yumi pointed to Jack. "Has some traces of the Legacy virus in some test tubes…or something." Even though Yumi's story obviously had holes, the X-Mens' faces all turned slightly shocked and scared. Cyclops signaled something to them and they all turned and walked back to their jet.

Yumi turned around and came face-to-face with Orochimaru. His tongue slithered out, and he reached for the lock to Gaara's cage. "Going to try to scare me off now?"

Yumi's eyes widened. "Uh…later," She turned and walked quickly into the house, where she met up immediately with Gaz and Dib.

"Have you seen an evil green alien anywhere around here?" Dib asked her.

"Uh…he left. A while ago."

"WHAT? Noooo! Where did he go?" Dib asked wildly.

"Um…down the street to, uh, um…that food shop." Yumi was trying to quickly think of something plausible. "To…that new shop! Mr. Meaty's! Go there! Attack it! Go with your strengths!" Yumi shook her fists encouragingly.

"Okay!" Dib looked determined.

Gaz stopped sipping her cola. "She's clearly lying, you idiot…" she began to say to her brother.

"No time, Gaz! Let's go!" Dib grabbed Gaz and ran out of the house.

Zim came up behind Yumi, an evil smile spread across his face. "A decent _plan, _Yumi human! Have them go attack a make-believe restaurant, and they will SPEND a long, long time just wandering around, just…" Zim stopped smiling. "It _is _a make-believe restaurant, correct?"

"Hell no. It's like, the first one on Main Street." Yumi gulped down what was left of Gaz's drink.

"Then…why did you…?"

"They charged me a three dollars and fifty cents plus tax for a small drink. I want to see what that crazy boy will do to them."

* * *

**Don't worry, that isn't how Yumi gets rid of all the people, 'cause that wouldn't be very exciting, would it?**

**Review. DO IT.**


	11. Enemies Visiting Day CONCLUDED

Blackfire sat on the leather couch looking bored and playing with one of the leaves of Seemingly Harmless Plant. "Is anyone going to threaten me or make me try to leave?"

Pietro came over and sat down next to her. "_I_ don't want you to leave." He looked at her flirtatiously.

Blackfire sighed and didn't look at him. "You're cute, but you weigh less than I do. And your constant running would mess up my hair." She looked around. "This is boring. I can't even find my stupid sister! This party sucks; I'm _so _leaving." She began to make her way towards the front door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Slade asked her. "You were going to help me with my revenge plan, remember?" Slade seemed like he was about to do something to take charge but chose to remain in the shadows of a rather large bookcase (for dramatic effect).

"Yeah, I _was_," Blackfire opened the door. "But you said I'd have a chance to do some partying, too! There's no music, no food, no dancing, no big, colorful lights, and there are guys, but they're the…wrong kind." Blackfire stepped out. "Slade, call me when you find a _fun _way to seek revenge on my bratty little sis."

Slade looked slightly angered (his eye narrowed) at this but didn't move from his shadowy spot. Pietro sat in silence seven feet away. He twitched his foot and cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable in silence so near a character such as Slade. "Okay, I'm leaving now!" He jumped up and shot off down the hall. Slade slowly walked out of the door, and he loosened his figure and did it un-dramatically when he was sure no one was watching. As soon as Blackfire was gone, House started playing music and brought out snacks.

Soon enough, Yumi walked in with Naruto trailing close behind. Yumi whipped around to face him. "Ninja Boy, STOP following me!"

"I'd rather get beaten up by you than Orochimaru or Gaara! So I'm going to follow you instead of waiting around outside for them to get me!" Naruto waved his arms wildly while talking.

"So you're scared."

"I never said that!"

"I see…" Yumi narrowed her eyes.

"WHAT? I can take 'em! Both of them! Just not at the same time!" Naruto crossed his arms defiantly.

"Well, I'm not going near those weirdos! If you want those two gone, _you're _going to be the one to figure out how!" Yumi began to stomp off and leave Naruto, but she stopped when she came to an expensive antique grandfather clock. She tilted her head back and called out to House. "Hey, House!"

"What do you want?" House sounded cantankerous, as usual.

"When does Enemies' Visiting Day end?"

"Five p.m. Need help reading the clock?"

Yumi ignored House's jab and looked at the clock's hands. "Naruto, its 4:30. You have a half-hour to keep those two away from yourself and others until five, and then they have to leave."

"Okay. Good. I can do that!" Naruto smiled confidently, but suddenly stopped. "Hey, wait! Since when is keeping Gaara and Orochimaru away from _others _part of the deal?"

Yumi turned around and growled in response.

"Okay, okay, fine! I'll try to keep them away from all the others!" Naruto smiled bravely again. "I'm going to the protector of the people of the house! You'll all be amazed by my skill! BELIEVE IT!"

Yumi looked unconvinced. "Yeah, when that happens I'll be seventy."

"Burn," House commented.

"SHUT UP!" Naruto waved his arms wildly.

Zolo walked in. "Hey, does Naruto need help keeping those weird shinobi occupied? 'Cause now that my enemies are taken care of for at least the time being, I have an idea…"  
"I'm willing to accept any help I can get!" Naruto said.

--------------------

Pietro watched Zolo and Naruto in the yard from safely inside the house, drinking Red Bull. "I like Zolo's idea, it's very entertaining for the rest of us!" He commented to Yumi, who nodded assent.

Zolo grabbed Naruto and lifted him up in the air. "HEY! You two! Crazy shinobi! Let's play a game!" Zolo shouted.

Gaara opened one eye to look at Zolo. "I hope it's _my _kind of game."

"Oh, it is!" Zolo smiled, slightly maliciously. He tossed Naruto over the back fence and into the neighbor's backyard. "Fetch Naruto!"

"THIS was your idea of HELP?" Naruto shouted.

"I suggest you run, Naruto. Looks like the little red-haired boy is coming out of the cage and both him _and _his captor are coming your way!"

Naruto dashed off. Orochimaru smiled evilly. "Oh, this is fun!"

"How many enemy groups do we need to take care of now?" Zolo asked Yumi, brushing off his clothes and walking inside.

"Well, we took care of Naruto's, Zim's, and Pietro's, Starfire's walked off, yours got blown up, and Ed and I never got any enemies visiting. That leaves Spicer's little kiddy monk enemies, Bender's Satanic robot enemy, and Grim's weird little girl." Yumi counted off on her fingers. She quickly ducked as a new cannonball shot over her head. "No, wait, yours are still around. I'll take care of Mandy, you take care of the Robot Devil and those monks. Our House will beat up their house on its own." They went back inside the now cursing incoherently mansion, and in the kitchen, an extra refrigerator turned into Naruto. "That was a great plan, sending them to chase my shadow-clone."

"Huh?" Zolo thought for a moment. "Oh yeah, your _shadow-clone_. Right. Not actually you." Naruto frowned. "Naruto, get rid of the robot devil. I'm going to try and get rid of those kid monks that beat on Jack."

Naruto ran upstairs, and found the robot devil dragging away one of the camera-bots, much to Jack's protest. "Sorry, Spicer, but your robot was keeping the camera on Starfire's… assets."

"That's by order of the producers!" Jack argued. "They had me program it to!"

"HEY! Mister Robot Devil!" Naruto screamed, interrupting them.

"What?" Bender's enemy seemed pretty bored by Naruto.

"I just heard a giant robot is fighting Godzilla in Tokyo!"

"Oooohhh," The Robot Devil perked up. "Godzilla's a good guy, isn't he?"

"I think so."

"Whatever, they destroy Tokyo every time anyway, so that giant robot's going straight to hell when he dies! And when he's fighting Godzilla, that could be any minute!" Robot Devil ran downstairs and out the door.

"Got him!" Naruto gave Jack the thumbs-up.

"Thanks, Naruto." Jack typed something on a control panel. "Say, can you do me a favor?"

"Why? What's the favor?"

Can you show me one of your Jutsu?"

"Yeah, sure," Naruto said, somewhat surprised. "Shadow-clone Jutsu!" He split into 5 Narutos with a puff of smoke. "How's THIS?!"

"Cool, thanks!" Jack grinned. Naruto hadn't noticed the device behind him flashing as it analyzed his chakra.

"Okay, Ed? Grim? You got the plan?" Yumi came out of the huddle she had formed with Ed and Grim.

Grim crossed his arms. "Dis had better work, because if it doesn't, we're all done for."

Yumi narrowed her eyes at him. "It'll work, you just have to do your part! Got that, Reaper?"

"Fine."

Ed giggled insanely. "I get to be a choo-choo! Chew food!"

Yumi rolled her eyes and walked over to Mandy. "Okay evil little girl, you want entertainment?"

"What was your first clue?" Mandy growled in response.

"Evil stare-off, starting NOW!" Yumi bent down slightly more to Mandy's view and the two began a glare-off.

After about one straight minute of heinous staring, Yumi raised her hand. "Okay Ed, it's your move!"

"CHOO-CHOOOOOO!" Ed ran out the door, dragging Mandy out with him on his back. She was tied to him with rope and a bit of rubber cement.

"HEY, what the-" before Mandy could say another word, Ed had ran out the door and Grim slammed it shut.

Grim laughed evilly. "Dat worked well, mon! And all I had to do was tie her up while she was distracted with your little stare-off!" Grim smiled. "I'm so happy, that I'll…I know! I'll bake cookies!" Grim started off towards the kitchen. On the way down the hall, he opened a window, stuck his head out and called out to Ed. "Keep going, Ed! Don't stop until you reach the state border or it's five o' clock, mon!" It was probably no use though, as Ed was already well on his down the street.

"Bye, guys." Zolo shut the door behind the monks, as Dojo flew in and they jumped onto his back. Yumi and Pietro appeared behind him. "Wow," Yumi said, looking at the clock. "That took a while. How'd you get them to leave?"

"I didn't. They were really nice, so we just sparred until 5. They're pretty tough." Zolo turned and looked out a window on another side of the house. "Those jerks are still in that house next door! Why won't they leave?!"

"I dunno," Pietro said, playing catch with himself (throwing a baseball across the room at expensive stuff, and zooming past to catch it). "Our House got its own cannon somehow, and they've been shooting at each other for an hour. At least our House is healing up the damage." Zolo saw it was true. The house of Zolo haters was pockmarked with holes. Hawkeye Mihawk was still sitting on the roof; behind him were a couple of stray cannonballs he had chopped in half.

Zim walked down the stairs. "Yes, all our _filthy _enemies are gone. Isn't it WONDERFUL?" He looked out the window on the opposite side of the house, and did a double take at the tsunami of sand 3 doors down. He decided to ignore it. It wasn't headed towards them.

Suddenly, a red light began flashing from the microwave, and a siren began wailing. "HOUSE!" Pietro screamed. "What's going on?"

"We have a spaceship rapidly approaching," House said, as if it was talking about the pleasant change in weather. "It's on a collision course with the house next door." Everybody rushed outside (and Ed ran back into the front yard), and looked at the sky. A small shape was rocketing downward out of the sky. As it neared, they heard a female, vaguely British voice laughing maniacally.

Mihawk looked up, and muttered, "Oh, for pity's sake." The ship smashed into the house with all the force of a meteor. Amid the screams, the contestants watched in awe as a metal foundation began to rise out of the flaming ruins and take the shape of a new house. A small figure leaped from the conflagration and landed in front of everybody. She was green, with purple eyes and clothing, and a metal gadget implanted in her head.

"Hello, Zim!" Tak said, smiling cruelly. "Am I late for enemies' visiting day?"

* * *

**Okay, sorry, but unless you don't know Invader Zim pretty well, you won't know who Tak is. Ask an Invader Zim fan.**


	12. ShopPING

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the cartoons within. There is no sheep.**

**I've been wondering what would happen if they went shopping for a while now... so deal with it! Meh heh! Heh...**

**Okay, I'm done.**

* * *

"Guess what?" Yumi turned around with a humongous smile on her face, showing her molars.

"What? What? WHAT?" Pietro blurted quickly.

"Oh, please! Tell us what the news is!" Starfire clapped her hands.

Yumi took a deep breath, ready to announce the news. She looked painfully enthusiastic. "We're out of food," Her face drooped back to its usual cynical scowl.

"WHAT?! OUT OF FOOD?" Naruto sprang up his knees on the table. "How can we be OUT OF FOOD?"

"What do you mean 'how'? We ate it all, duh!" Jack responded.

"But there was an entire refrigerator and pantry full of food. There's no way we could have eaten it all," While Zolo seemed interested in what was going on, he still had his eyes closed.

"Well, don't look at me! I don't eat! You're all the greedy ones…" House commented.

Yumi looked up at the ceiling. "Do you _want _graffiti?"

"Noooo…"

"Then be quiet!"

"Yes, mommy," House said sarcastically.

"My mommy says no more graffiti on the toilet…" Ed looked pensive.

"No more food?! Nutting at all? No coffee or tea?" Grim looked worried.

Zim marched in. "Hello, lower-level inhabitants! What do we have to FEAST on this morning?"

"Nothing," Pietro replied. "We're totally out of food, Zim," A slightly evil smile spread across Pietro's face. "Unless you want to go ask your _new girlfriend _next door for something!"

Zim's eyes bulged as he jumped across onto the table and hurtled across it up to Pietro's face. "TAK is not my _girl_FRIEND!"

"Denial!" Pietro said.

"She is my enemy! Our enemyyy! She want us DEAD! To perish in the deepest parts of underground!"

"Correction: She wants _you_ to perish." Jack stated. "We don't want anything to do with that crazy little alien girl. Though I wouldn't mind stealing her ship and tinkering with it…"

"Well, we need food…" Yumi stated.

"We need it soon…" Pietro agreed.

"To supply our bodies." Starfire added.

After that, there was a short moment of silence.

"I think we know what needs to be done!" Grim said.

Zolo shook his head. "Oh no. NO. I am not going to go SHOPPING with all of you. No offense, but I think it's going to get pretty chaotic pretty fast. So if you don't mind, I'll just stick around here and-"

Pietro zipped over to Zolo and interrupted him. "Need I remind you the name of the game? Staying sane, Zolo! If you stay sane, you get the cash!"

"And it's not like you're competing or anything with all of us, everyone gets it who doesn't say uncle," Yumi sounded like she was trying to encourage Zolo.

Zolo rolled his eyes. "Fine, shopping it is."

A chorus of cheers was heard throughout the extremely modern kitchen. "Oh, yes! I will get friend Bender and we can go!"

"Who said my name?" Bender stumbled into the kitchen.

"We're going shopping!" Pietro responded, jumping up and dashing to the foyer, reaching into the cupboard under the mahogany wood stairs and getting his worn-in, yet relatively new sneakers.

"Do I get a say in this?" Bender raised one finger as people walked past him.

"Nope!" Jack happily answered. After that, everyone but Bender had left out the front door, Zim dragging along Gir and a few alien-looking odds and ends.

"First I have to get out of my room, and then I go to the kitchen, then outside. What's a robot to do?" Bender grumbled and stumbled out of the room. "And I don't even get a complimentary beer or nothing…"

"_Tell _me about it," House agreed.

* * *

"HA! Hahahaha!" Tak's shrill, annoying laugh ran out through the wire-filled basement she had already equipped with the best alien electronics for contacting her leaders and building new ships. 

She paced around the room. Her leaders, the tallest aliens on her home planet of Irk (suitably named the Almighty Tallest) were on the other line of her video contact screen. "My Tallest, I am very glad to finally get ahold of you. As you may already KNOW, I have invaded Zim's assigned planet, while he is _foolishly _busy and off guard with this silly little human contest!" Tak was followed by her loyal SIR unit robot, Mimi, who was currently in her spooky black cat disguise. "THEN, I can finally take hold of this unpleasant little rock of a planet and put it to better **use**!" Tak broke into evil laughter.

The Tallest with red uniform and red eyes, Tallest Red, tried to talk to her over her laughter. "Uh, Tak…Tak… soldier Tak…TAK!"

Tak stopped laughing and turned around eagerly. "Yes, my Tallest?"

"This plan sounds a lot like your last…which didn't go too well." Tallest Red scowled slightly. "And we were deprived of snacks you _said _we would have!" He crossed his arms.

"Yeah, all we had to eat that day was day-old doughnuts…" The other Almighty Tallest, Tallest Purple (with purple eyes and a purple uniform), turned away from the screen in sadness, engulfed in the memories.

Tak looked slightly intimidated by the Tallests' change in mood, but stepped in front of the visual screen. "But this plan is really good! Zim's occupied with this contest; he wants to win the Earth money prize to buy more Earth equipment. And that annoying Dib-boy is also busy with… I forget, something about searching for alien meat-beings at an abandoned fast-food restaurant."

"Just make sure we somehow get a ton of snacks!" Tallest Red reinforced. "And then…we'll consider giving you your own planet to invade."

"Oh! Yes! Alright! Right! I salute you! My Tallest! I'm going to go now… goodbye, My Tallest! Wait, wait! Do you think I should-" The now excited Irken girl was interrupted when the Tallest cut off the connection.

"I shall leave them alone, they must have a lot of _work _to do… and so do I!" Tak began pressing buttons in her computer and looked over plans she had recorded in her computer. "Yes, Mimi… I do believe my plan of stealing all of Zim's food was very smart…" She giggled evilly. But she immediately paused and had a look of realization. "Wait… that has nothing to do with my plans…" She smiled broadly again anyway. "But it's so much fun anyhow!" She erupted into another fit of giggles.

* * *

"Okay…" Zolo stood at the entrance of the local supermarket, Stuff N' More (it contains stuff, and also things aren't classified as stuff!). "Where do we want to go first?" 

"I have an idea!" Jack stated. "How about we each go collect food in different aisles? The runners of the contest are springing for it, so it doesn't matter how much we spend!"

"That's a good idea!" Naruto happily declared. "Okay, I'll go in the meat aisle, Starfire will go into-"

"Who died and made you king?!" Pietro interrupted Naruto. "I say we all pick our own aisles to go down!"

"I call the beer and wine aisle!" Bender shouted, inducing strange stares from the nearest elderly couple.

"I'll get the soda and snacks!" Yumi offered.

"No way, that's a two-person job! Take someone with you!" Pietro stated. "I'm not going to do it; I'll be busy getting stuff in the bakery. Take Zolo with you!" Pietro turned to Zolo. "Make sure she doesn't just get crappy stuff, okay?"

"Fine," Zolo looked uncaring, Yumi looked slightly angry at Pietro, who didn't notice.

"I'll pick out the laundry detergents and toothpaste!" Grim said, smiling slightly.

Everyone turned and stared at him.

"Oh, what are you staring at? It isn't as if any of _you _could pick out the right stuff,"

"Whatever!" Naruto said. "I'm still going to pick out the meats myself!"

"I will go to aisle 14!" Zim said, trying to look innocent. Lucky for him, he was the only one who noticed that the brightly colored plastic sign over the aisle proudly declared it being the aisle for "Packaged and Canned Foods, Paper Towels, and Evil".

"I shall go pick out frozen delicacies!" Starfire exclaimed.

"Ed, where do you want to go?" Pietro looked at Ed.

"Uhhh…" Ed's cockeyed eyes froze, unblinking in deep thought. "DAIRY!" He finally hollered after a good thirty seconds.

"I guess that leaves me with produce and the like…" Jack looked disappointed.

"Go, my Spanish Galleons!" Pietro shouted. Him and Naruto dashed off, Starfire flew in the direction of the frozen foods, Jack used his hoverbot to go into the fruits and vegetables corner of the oversized store, and Grim slinked off to the laundry detergent and personal hygiene aisle. Ed and Bender hurtled in the direction of their aisles, Yumi and Zolo walked off towards the snacks and sodas, and Zim marched over to his strange aisle.

* * *

"I'm enjoying this," Bender said, cramming several 6-packs of beer into his chest so he could steal them. He then picked out the stuff that the other housemates would actually see: One bottle of each type of wine he could think of, more 6-packs of beer, some various liquors, a book on bartending, a 12-pack of Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters, some rubbing alcohol, and a bottle marked 'Mystery Alcohol'. He then dropped it all in the cart, and decided he'd go look for Zolo and see what he thought of the choices. "Zolo's the only meatbag in the house who cares about good grog," he said to himself, running over Muriel from _Courage the Cowardly Dog_.

* * *

"Hmmm, can't get vegetables without getting some onions," Jack said, picking a few huge onions and putting them in the cart. 

"Maybe you should be spending less time picking vegetables and more time thinking of a way to win this contest, so we can get back to getting Shen Gong Wu!" Wuya yelled, floating angrily around his head.

"Relax, Wuya, I'm working on it. Do you think Zolo likes potatoes?"

"Nooo…"

"Then I'm getting some. Ooh, let's check out the fresh fruit."

"Why haven't you told me you were working on it?"

"Because I don't think you'd approve of my methods. I'm so getting these avocados!"

"What methods? You aren't… partnering up again, are you?"

Jack ignored this last question. "I wonder if Zim's body chemistry can tolerate melons?"

"You are partnering up again! You've done this so many times before, and it never ends well!"

"I'm getting this cantaloupe anyway." He body-checked Professor Utonium out of the way and he grabbed the last cantaloupe.

"Who are you partnering with? Is it that green alien kid?" Before Jack could answer, the Powerpuff Girls grabbed him and tossed him across the supermarket, causing Jack to let out a sissy scream.

* * *

Yumi inspected two different bags of cheddar-and-sour-cream flavored potato chips, trying to see if one bag had more than the other. 

Zolo leaned against a display of spam. "Does it really make a difference?"

"Yes! Shut up. I'm trying to choose!" But immediately after saying that, she tossed one bag into the cart without looking.

Zolo huffed. "You didn't even choose! You were just saying how you had to-" Zolo was stopped mid-complaint when the display he was leaning on crashed, sending him on the ground. Yumi tilted her head back and laughed out loud.

"It wasn't that funny…" Zolo lifted himself up and brushed off a piece of spam that had come out of its container.

"Yeah, it was…" Yumi turned her back on him and compared the sound fizzing in root beer cans after shaking them.

"This is turning out to be a joy…" Zolo murmured. Yumi ignored him. She turned around and tossed him a few soda cans.

He looked puzzled. "What am I…?"

"Dent it!" Yumi threw it on the ground. "I heard we get half price off dented cans!"

Zolo nodded. He punched the can and smiled at the large dent in the side.

"Not bad!" Yumi looked at the dent. Then her eyes drifted to the swords. "Have you gotten into a lot of fights? With weird people?"

Zolo laughed a little bit. "With people you wouldn't believe!"

Yumi looked at him with slight admiration. "Can I see some of your scars?"

Before Zolo could respond, Bender came stumbling down the aisle. "Zolo! Zolo! I need your opinion on… uh… what was it?" He stopped for a minute.

Zolo looked at the alcoholic drinks Bender had. "My opinion on beer?"

"Yeah! Your opinion on beer!"

Zolo grabbed the beer and looked at it. "This seems to be a pretty good brand. And why'd you get this mystery alcohol? You know it's always filled with fetal pigs or something."

"Okay." Bender replied, grabbing the beer back.

Yumi looked at both of them. "I'm going to go find Starfire and make sure she knows the difference between frozen waffles and potato pancakes." She kicked Bender as she walked by.

"Ow! Why'd you kick me? Oh wait, I can't feel it…"

* * *

Starfire looked at the frozen, crust-removed sandwiches in confusion. "Oh… so many choices for everything! Would my housemates prefer peanut butter and jelly, grilled cheese, peanut butter and honey, the other peanut butter and jelly?" She looked slightly worried as she put down her already filled-up basket, filled with six different cartons of ice cream, a container of frozen orange juice, and an arranged set of frozen meat pastries. 

Starfire turned her head and was elated to see Yumi coming her way. "Oh, Yumi-friend! Help me choose, now!" Starfire pointed out the different frozen sandwiches.

"Forget those! Get some frozen waffles." Yumi redirected Starfire to the frozen waffle and other frozen breakfasts. Starfire obeyed and began randomly picking toaster pastries.

* * *

Pietro stood before a sweet-smelling bakery. The stench of baked goods and sugar was heavy in the air. 

Pietro stood like a kid in a candy shop before it all. "Make way for Quicksilver!" He clapped his hands together as a mischievous, slightly evil grin spread across his face.

* * *

**My co-writer avatarjk137 wrote the sections wiht Jack and Bender; he knows them better than I do.**

**Well, it looks like we have foreshadowing, a little character bonding, and a fair amount of weirdness. This chapter is complete. But the shopping isn't!**


	13. ShoppING Continued

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters within. Pity indeed.**

**Shopping, continued.

* * *

**

Ed stared blankly at the shelves of dairy products in his usual ignorant bliss. He took his basket over to the nearest group and shoveled containers of chocolate milk, strawberry milk, vanilla milk, banana milk, and eggnog, stumbling across the regular milk. He took random containers of yogurt, laughing and stopping every once in a while to sniff the yogurts. Among his different picks of flavors were key lime pie, raspberry, plain, boysenberry, crabapple, cotton candy, milk-flavored, yogurt-flavored, flavored-flavored, spicy tomato, and white.

"Oohhh…" he breathed, stopping at the cheeses. He carefully picked out cheeses, inspecting them thoroughly. All the cheeses he picked out were Grade A, except for one block of cheap-quality cheddar that instead of being labeled as "cheese" was labeled as "cheese product".

Ed was just about to reach for the butter when he was interrupted by Pietro zipping in front of him. "Hey, Ed! I want to give you a great privilege. It is SO nice of me to give it to you? Want to know what it is? READY?" Pietro didn't give Ed a chance to answer. "You get to come dessert shopping with me in the bakery! I picked you out because you're a kid! Naruto's a kid, but I don't like him! And I want to see if your taste buds are worthy of picking out sugary snacks with me!" Pietro grabbed Ed's hand. "So pick out a butter, unibrow, and come with me to get a crazy amount of sugar!"

Ed was fine with being dragged along like this. Being called unibrow reminded him of Eddy from back home, and he didn't know any better. Pietro took off with Ed in tow, and Ed's only regret was not being able to pick out the finest quality butter for his precious buttered toast.

* * *

Zim was confused. He had spent just as much time on Earth as Starfire had, but he still did not know exactly how to pick out good packaged and canned foods. He knew angering his housemates would be a bad idea; it would interrupt his plans. So, he made sure to spend a lot of time picking out the food that would make them all happy before moving onto the evil technology that lurked in the last third of the aisle.

Zim put a few packages of easy-to-make ramen. He threw in a few different cans of food, paying little attention to what kinds or flavors.

_What was it that Yumi-noisy-human said about cans? Dented ones go for lower prices?_

Remembering this, Zim stared at a can in thought. Of all things about the contest, he most disliked House. House was most likely to spy on him, find out his plans, and interfere. It might make House get off his back if the housemates spend less money.

_And If a simple DENTED can goes for slightly less…_

Zim took out a laser gun from his Pak. He pointed it at the innocent can of cream of mushroom soup he was holding, charged up the gun, and pressed the "shoot" button.

The can burst under the pressure, sending gray, thick, clumpy liquid all over the place, as well as metal shrapnel. None of it hit Zim luckily, but some went into the hair of a nearby Kiva. "Why did you just spatter me with hot, disgusting soup and hot, jagged metal?" She picked up Zim by the shirt.

"I dunno," Coop replied, licking the cream of mushroom off his jacket. "This is actually pretty good soup. Let's get a can of this."

Jamie noticed a hot shard of metal had sliced his skullcap down the middle. "Coop, follow him home and crush his house."

"AAHH! Go away, worm-furries!" A metal box with a lens extended from Zim's Pak and flashed brightly. Coop, Kiva, and Jamie's faces went blank, and Zim ran away, grabbing the stuff he already had plus whatever he could grab from the evil shelf.

* * *

"This is the COOLEST contest EVER!" Naruto shouted, thrusting his fist into the air and ignoring the little boy he decked by mistake.

Naruto carefully picked out the best meats, poking them occasionally to test out the texture. "Man, I wish I was in the ramen aisle! That alien kid BETTER pick out really good ramen…" Suddenly, Naruto noticed something out of the corner of his eye. "Hey… it's Pietro!"

Naruto jumped on top of a tall shelve holding different types of packaged lunch meats to get a better look. "He's got Ed! And they're going into the dessert section! AND THEY DIDN'T INVITE ME!" Insulted, Naruto jumped down. "Well, I'm going to crash their party!" Naruto began to run off, but stopped, ran back, grabbed a few more meat packages, and carried on his way towards the bakery.

Pietro grabbed Ed's shoulders. "Look hard, boy! You will never again have a bakery all to yourself like this!"

The woman behind the counter with an apron and some flour on her face stared at the two, tugging on her brown hair. "Can I say something?"

"No!" Pietro dashed away from her and began scanning the cheesecakes.

Ed turned around. He was mesmerized by the looks of the chilled cakes, the countless types of cookies, the fresh pastries, and of course, the puddings. Being Ed, he went straight for the puddings. He grabbed a container of bread pudding. Ed waited for a second, then grabbed another. Then another. Before he knew it, Ed had his arms full with at least fifteen containers of yellowish-brown bread pudding. He began collecting more odds and ends of baked goods.

Pietro had an entire cart filled with assorted desserts. He pushed it over (with great effort) to Ed and stared at Ed's haul. This included all of the bread puddings, assorted bagels, a box of rainbow sprinkle cookies, and ten bags of unbaked pizza dough.

Pietro stared for a moment. "Hmmm… okay. I can dig it." Ed laughed stupidly in response.

"Dig what?" came a voice form above. Ed and Pietro looked up and saw Naruto hanging by his feet from the ceiling.

"Ninja boy! What are you doing?" Pietro shouted.

"My name isn't ninja boy! Its Naruto! NA-RU-TO! Get it through your thick skulls!" Naruto waved his hands around wildly. Unfortunately for him, though, all of the waving caused him to lose balance, as he hurtled to the floor, and hit it headfirst with a loud clonk sound.

Pietro laughed. "Speaking of thick skulls!"

"SHUT UP!" Naruto jumped back on his feet. "Whatever! I'm here to pick out desserts because I know you two probably suck at…" Naruto's attention drifted to Pietro's cart of desserts. "At…uh, at…" Naruto turned to Pietro. "Are those all desserts you picked out?"

"Yeah,"

Naruto crossed his arms. "Aw, man! I came here for nothing if you already have everything picked out." Naruto looked around, trying to find something else to focus on. He stopped when his eyes drifted across Ed's full arms. "What's with all the bread pudding and pizza dough?"

Pietro answered for Ed. "I can think of a few uses for all that! Don't worry!"

This actually made Naruto worry more.

* * *

Grim hummed to himself as he scanned the shelves for the right toothpaste. "Ah! Here we go! Prevents tooth decay and whitens your teeth! Dis must be my lucky day!" Grim happily plunked it into the cart.

Grim skimmed past the deodorants, figuring if his housemates wanted it they would pick out their own types. He stopped suddenly, and realized it might be a bad idea, considering that he did have to live with them if they _didn't._ Grim picked out several types of deodorant and anti-perspirants, all of which only had scents that were either hideously exotic, strong, and sweet, overly manly, or plain and dull.

Toilet paper was next. This was not exactly Grim's best ability, but he did his best and picked two-ply "giganto" rolls. Grim also picked out plug-in deodorizers for the room in a variety of aromas.

Happy with his choices, the Grim Reaper made his way down the aisle, which induced puzzled and terrified looks from the nearest flamboyant boy band in the aisle. When Grim got down to the end of the aisle, he stopped and stared and the one checkout lane that all eyes of any other consumers in line were also staring at. Grim's housemates had five carts worth of often strange-looking foods.

"Um…" Grim looked at the other contestants of the staying-sane contest. "He pointed right above their heads with a bony finger to the sign above checkout lane 8. "Express Lane, 10 items or up only."

Jack looked from the sign to Grim to the food, then back to Grim. "Ah, what's a few extra items?"

* * *

The odd gang stood in the ice cream shop next door to the supermarket. Half the people that were in the shop had gotten up to leave.

Ed looked at the flavors. "I'll have that flavor." Ed was not pointing at any specific flavor, nor making any sign of any specific flavor at all.

"Which one?" The puzzled person behind the counter asked.

"All of them!" Ed smiled.

"That sounds good! I'll have the same thing!" Pietro said.

"Me too!" Naruto shouted.

"What is this?" Zim inspected the ice creams, climbing up on the display case to get a better look. "There is a ba-na-na flavor? What are these ba-na-NAS?"

"A fruit," Yumi answered.

"Hmmm…" Zim pondered the properties of this ice cream. "I shall TRY this banana!"

Bender stared at the menu. "I don't want ice cream! I want alcohol."

"I'll check…" The clerk went in the back.

Starfire continued staring at the ice cream containers. "Is mint a good flavor?"

"Only if you like toothpaste," Yumi commented.

Starfire smiled. "I do like toothpaste! I shall have the mint flavor!"  
The clerk came back. "Yeah, we have some cheap beer."

"I'll take that!" Bender grabbed a can of the beer.

"I'll have a float of that, with the cookie dough ice cream," Zolo said.

"I'll have da peanut butter ice cream – a medium cup – wit whipped cream, mon," Grim chose after looking through all the flavors.

"Give me one scoop of Evil and one scoop of Chocolate-Covered-Cherries, with chocolate hard shell, caramel sauce, whipped cream, mini marshmallows, and a cherry!" Jack said excitedly. A long few days of evil and bad roommates were about to pay off for him.

"Hmmm…" Yumi was indecisive. Finally, she decided to take a risk as everybody else got their ice cream. "I'll spin the Wheel-of-Sundae!" Everybody gasped.

"Spinning the wheel? YOU'RE INSANE, WOMAN!" Pietro gasped.

"You heard me, clerk-boy! Spin it!"

"Y-y-yes, ma'am." The clerk grabbed the wheel and placed it on the counter. "You're the first spinner this week, so it's free."

"Excellent!" Yumi looked at the wheel, which displayed every ice cream flavor in the store. She spun it, and after a few rotations, it landed on 'Cotton Candy.'

"Ooh, rough start," Naruto commented. "That goes poorly with most toppings."

"Who wants to make a wager on whether she'll be able to eat what she gets?" Bender asked.

"15 dollars that she can handle it," Zolo said calmly, drinking his beer float.

"You're on," Pietro replied.

"10 EARTH monies! I bet that she _vomits_!" Zim offered. Bender took him up on that.

"I bet 20 dollars that she doesn't get halfway through it!" Naruto said.

"Ooh, a high roller. I like dat. You're on, boy!" Grim bet with Naruto.

Meanwhile, Yumi had rolled Raspberry-Garlic as her second flavor. She crossed her fingers and rolled a third time. When the wheel stopped, it landed on Fish Food. "ALRIGHT! Phish Food is the best Ben 'n Jerry's flavor!" The clerk Kiyo didn't bother to point out that the shop didn't sell Ben 'n Jerry's as he pressed a button. The flavors of ice cream were replaced with hot fudge, chocolate hard-shell, whipped cream, and a range of syrups. "You chose three ice cream flavors, now choose two wet toppings!"

"Right!" Yumi spun as hard as she could, and it landed on Marshmallow Syrup. She rolled again, and scored chocolate-chip whipped cream.

"Lucky break on the toppings," Bender said as Kiyo pressed a button and the wet toppings were replaced by dry ones.

"Select two dry toppings," Kiyo said blankly. Yumi span the wheel. It landed on Swedish fish.

"Right on!" She spun again and rolled coconut flakes. The wheel's display faded, and Kiyo put it back beneath the counter, where it exploded.

"It exploded. That means… YOU GET A CHERRY ON TOP!"

30 seconds later, Zatch Bell carried the humongous sundae and a massive spoon to Yumi's seat. She grinned, and spun the bowl of the sundae. She waited a few seconds, then dug her spoon into a random part of the sundae and began chowing down. Everybody else simply watched with a mix of reactions as Yumi ate through the massive doom dessert. 15 minutes later, she was most of the way through. Naruto had grudgingly paid Grim 20 dollars. Suddenly, Yumi stopped in her tracks. Her face began to turn green. "This scoop of fish food… is actual fish food!" She fell to the floor, convulsing and vomiting. Zim laughed loudly as Bender paid him ten dollars. "You… think it's so funny, little green man?" Yumi flung the remainder of her sundae at Zim. It hit him in the face, causing him to roll around screaming.

"That was worth the 15 dollars," Zolo remarked as he paid Quicksilver.

"You filthy rock-nasty!" Zim threw his mostly uneaten banana ice cream cone at Yumi. She ducked, and it hit the nearest weird rock band, who were wearing fancy ruffle shirts and rose vests. They had just walked in for malts.

"Our rock isn't nasty," The lead singer said, looking at the floor.

* * *

**By the way, you may have noticed with the last part, I've stopped just giving cameos to cartoon characters and will now just give people from every dimension cameos.**


	14. The Survey

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons within. DENTAL PLAN!**

**Important note: People, sometime in the future, after all this house's craziness is over, there will be a second season of this. You may suggest new residents for Season Two. My co-writer, avatarjk137 and I already have a few people (and I use that term lightly) in mind. Here are the rules for sending in suggestions:**

**1. Your suggestion may not get used. Please don't kill me if it doesn't, but it is too much to request that one writer knows and likes every cartoon character out there!**

**2. There is no restriction for a number of suggestions per person. But I wouldn't suggest sending too many in, because then you won't be bothered if they _all _don't get used.**

**3. Before you ask, there will be no characters from: Inuyasha, Spongebob Squarepants, or Scooby-Doo.**

**I thank you for your time. Season 1 is far from over, however.**

* * *

"STARFIRE!" Pietro shouted. Starfire obediently flew in the laundry room where Pietro was standing angrily in. "Yes?" 

"DID you wash colors with whites again?"

"No, I do not think so." Starfire looked at him. "Why?"

Pietro held out brightly colored tank tops, underwear, and T-shirts. "I put my tees, underpants, and tanks in a white wash. AND THEY'RE GREEN!" It was true, Pietro's formerly white clothing articles had all turned a particularly hideous shade of lime green.

Right about that time, Zolo walked in, whistling peacefully. He rummaged through the warm, freshly dried load of clean clothes. He finally came across his bright green, haramaki sash and put it around his waist where it belonged. "Ah…fresh laundry smell." He looked over at Pietro. "Ew Quicksilver, what's with the lime green clothing? It's greener than my hair."

Yumi walked in next. She took out one of her signature blue skull t-shirts from the pile. But it was now a painfully bright shade of turquoise. She shrugged, slung it over her shoulder and walked to her room, whistling the tune of one of her own songs.

"Great…" Pietro looked down at his clothes. "Now my underwear drawer will be in Technicolor."

Starfire smiled. "Maybe… you could borrow a pair from another member of the household?" She offered helpfully.

Pietro snorted. "Good one, Starfire."

"I can give underwear!" Ed stumbled over to them.

"Splendid!" Starfire hovered up in the air, happy.

"Uh…no." Pietro ran out of the room as fast as he could to escape possible disaster. He went into his room. The first thing he saw was Tak, clad in her human disguise, standing on his bed, with his cell phone in her right hand and a handful of what looked like computer discs in the left. "Um… this… isn't what it looks like!"

"Who're you?" Pietro asked, surprised.

Tak looked just as surprised. But then she remembered that he hadn't seen her human disguise, and only saw her in her natural Irken form. She looked like a normal human, if a little pale and with slightly weird hair (a short, edgy haircut in navy blue). Her clothes didn't differ that much, however. "I'm… taking a survey!"

Pietro narrowed his dark blue eyes. He closed the door and leaned against it. "Okay… ask me a question."

"Um…" Tak looked around the room quickly, desperate for an idea. "Uh… genetically, what separates you from a normal human?"

"Well, there is a gene called an X-Factor in human genetics. When it's positive, some random power or powers are granted to the individual, along with possible appearance changes. This usually surfaces during adolescence, or so I've been told. In my case, the X-Factor manifested in super-speed and agility, as well as the ability to think fast enough to match the speed I'm moving at." Pietro stopped enjoying his own voice to think. "How did you know I'm a mutant?"

"NEXT QUESTION! Are you aware that one of your roommates isn't human?"

"I'm aware that four of them aren't human, besides myself. What an odd survey. Why were you waiting in my room to survey me?"

"QUESTION 3! What is your opinion on the roommate who calls himself ZIM?"

"The little green guy is a douchebag. Luckily for everyone involved, he's not nearly smart enough to take over the Earth, because his technology is pretty nice. If you're taping this, I hope he heard that. What were you doing with my stuff when I walked in?!"

"FINAL QUESTION! What horrible HORRORS does ZIM have planned for you?! Do you perceive any of them as actual threats? Would you be willing to help Zim be expelled from your _pitiful_ reality show… AND THIS PLANET?!" Tak realized she was yelling.

"That's more than one question. Anyhoo, in order, I haven't kept track of what horrible HORRORS ZIM is planning, I doubt any of them are threats, and I would lo-o-ove to see Zim gone. Do I know you from somewhere?"

Tak dropped Pietro's stuff. "MIMI!!!" A small black cat _whooshed_ into the room, seemingly from nowhere, and stopped in front of Pietro, glaring at him.

"Um, I'm not really a cat person." MiMi transformed in a small whirlwind into a gray robot slightly smaller than Zim. She whipped out the massive claw on her left arm, and grabbed Pietro's head. "Not the hair!" MiMi began smashing Pietro's skull against his computer monitor. Tak grabbed Pietro's computer tower, unhooked it, and backflipped out the window, taking his CPU with her. MiMi stopped mercilessly smashing Quicksilver's head and followed her master out the window.

* * *

Ed stared at his two current companions, Naruto and Bender. Ed was happy with them, as Naruto's cockiness and little common sense reminded Ed of Eddy. Bender reminded Ed of his other friend Edd, even though Bender and Edd were not alike in any way, at all. 

"WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN ROBOTS ARE BETTER THAN HUMANS?" Naruto shouted, waving his fists in the air.

"Did I _stutter_?" Bender put his left robotic hand on his hip.

Naruto crossed his arms. "YEAH, you DID stutter!"

"Oh…" Bender looked blank for a minute. "Well then, that proves that robots are better! Not only are they smarter than human meatbags but they can also do things like stutter their voices!" Instead of waving his fist, Bender waved his beer bottle, but was careful not to spill any.

"That doesn't make any sense!" Naruto jumped.

Ed smiled broadly and stood up from the leather couch. "Cents stands for money and money stands for cash and cash stands for _jawbreakers_!"

"A jawbreaker? Is that all it will take to get you to shut up?" Naruto reached inside his pocket and took out a few red, green, yellow, and purple jawbreaker candies. "FINE! Take these, just shut up!" He threw them at Ed, who grabbed them and collapsed in happiness. He simply lay on the marble floor, satisfied.

"Fine! I declare a challenge in this house! Humans versus nonhumans! Then I'll show you who's better!" Naruto pointed at Bender.

Bender blinked. "What does a challenge between _all _nonhumans have to with _robots _being better?"

Naruto ignored Bender and grabbed Ed. "Come on, Ed! You're on the human side!"

"Wanna bet?" Bender said, looking at Ed. "He barely looks human at all! Pietro looks _and _acts more like a human than this yellow idiot!"

Pietro walked in, a bandage around his head. "Don't call me human! I'm a mutant and I'm proud!"

"I will call you a human, you hyperspeed meatbag!"

"Don't lump speed-freak here in with us!" Naruto protested.

"What are you talking about?" Starfire asked, as she wafted in.

"We're arguing about whether humans are better than non-humans," Quicksilver explained.

"Actually," Bender interrupted, "we were arguing humans versus robots…"

"INSOLENCE!" Zim dropped from the ceiling. "Nonhumans are much better!"

"Do you only hear every other sentence?" Bender asked.

"Humans are better," Zolo announced as he walked in, "and I'm willing to fight to prove it."

"Don't delude yourself, mon," Grim dissed as he appeared in a column of evil energy. "One, nonhumans are much better, and two, you're just plain willing to fight."

"I agree," Zolo said with a confident grin, "and I'm willing to fight to prove it."

Yumi and Jack walked in at the same time. "What the heck is going on?" Jack asked.

"Nonhuman and human challenge is officially declared!" Bender officially declared. "For all that weren't present to hear that!"

* * *

**Read and review. And vote. Those leering, strange, profesional skateboarder-kidnapping carnies in the corner say that it would be a good idea.**

**'Kay bye.**


	15. The Satanic Obstacle Course

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the cartoons within. It was ice cream headaches and sweet avalanche!**

**Sorry for the delay in updating. I'm working on some new stuff lately.

* * *

**

"I say the only way to prove that humans and nonhumans are better is with a series of challenges!" Naruto shouted.

"Well, first of all, no crap." Yumi commented bluntly. "Second of all, do you always have to yell?"

"_YES_!" Naruto shouted at the top of lungs, making the glass chandelier shake.

"Ahem…" came from House.

"What do you want?!" Naruto shouted.

"Stop yelling! Damn, you're a loud little boy…"

"I _WON'T_ STOP YELLING!" Naruto hollered.

"I'm the HOUSE!" House shouted at Naruto. "I can collapse a wall on you 'by accident' in the middle of the night."

"Okay, who's on which team?" Jack asked. "We need to get teams first!"

Pietro quickly took care of that. "There's nonhumans, namely me, Bender, Zim, Starfire, and Grim."

"Oh joy!" Starfire declared happily.

"Oh _joy_…" Grim mumbled sarcastically.

"And over there in that corner are the boring old humans: Zolo, Yumi, Naruto, Ed, and Jack," Pietro said, sounding bored. He perked up suddenly. "Now we need captains! A role in _your truly _can take care of rather well!"

"WHAT?" Zim jumped onto the front of Pietro's sweater. "No way will I be captained by a hyperspeed mutant-dirt boy!"

"HYPERSPEED MUTANT-DIRT BOY?!" Pietro threw Zim onto the floor.

"Please! Do not do this!" Starfire flew between Pietro and Zim.

Zolo sighed.

"I'll be captain!" Jack declared.

"Yeah, sure," Zolo sounded bored.

"I want to be captain!" Naruto said. "Let's vote! All for Spicer, say aye!"

In response, Yumi, Jack, Zolo, and Ed all said aye. Naruto looked disappointed. "Aw…" Ed was fiddling with a can of baked beans as the nonhumans argued.

* * *

"Okay." Pietro said. "Zim got these spiderlegs out, and that's pretty creepy, and my metabolism is draining my energy because I haven't had sugar in twenty minutes. Thus, I'm letting Zim be captain." Pietro took out two cans of Red Bull and chugged one. 

"YES! BOW BEFORE ME!" Zim shouted. "Okay, I'm done. SO what CHALLENEGES are we commencing?"

"How about a race!" Pietro suggested hopefully.

"NO RACE!" Yumi said quickly.

"Sword fight?" Zolo suggested.

"I'm game!" Grim took out his scythe.

"Me too!" Yumi took out her electric guitar.

Jack laughed. "You're so dense you think your axe is an axe!"

In response, Yumi hit Jack over the head hard with her guitar. "That probably did more damage than any metal axe!"

"Harpy…" Jack mumbled.

"BEANS!" Ed threw the can of beans on the floor, bursting it. Lucky for him, he only got baked beans on himself.

"I think that's Ed for OBSTACLE COURSE!" Naruto declared.

Zolo looked pensive. "I can do an obstacle course!"

"Me too!" Pietro got started on the second Red Bull.

"I am able to TOOOO!" Zim shouted.

"Sure, I'll give it a try." Yumi said.

"I will gladly engage in the obstacle course!" Starfire jumped in the air and stayed in the air.

"Whatever, yeah." Grim agreed.

"'Kay." Bender put in.

* * *

"I take pride in this obstacle course!" Jack smiled widely. He had his Jackbots make the course in minutes. Now it consisted of a series of hidden floor-traps, a set of whirling carwash-like blades that hung from the walls and ceiling, a ring of fire, a double row of tires to step through, a pole vault, a rock wall, a moat of lava, a moat of acid, a moat of water with alligators in it, an electric fence, and finally, a patch of grass with a sign that read, "KEEP OFF THE GRASS". 

Yumi called out. "House!"

"_Whaaaaat_?" He moaned crankily.

"Keep score. And develop a point-system!"

"Meeeehhhhh. You never leave me alone, do you?" House said angrily. "Okay, everyone gets eleven points for the eleven obstacles. For every obstacle you don't clear, you lose a point, and you don't make it on to the next ones either. So, as an example, if Yumi were to make it through six obstacles (through some miracle) but not make it through the seventh, she would get six points. If you were to get stopped at the first one, then you would get zero points and I would thus name you Loser of the Household."

"That makes sense. I like it!" Jack commented.

"I don't give a crap if you like it or not. Let's have Quicksilver to go first, to get it over with." House declared.

"Don't mind if I do!" Pietro stepped at the front of the yard, where the trap was set up, destroying much of the well-manicured and unnaturally green lawn. "Count me down!" He shouted.

"Fine!" House growled. "3, 2, 1, get on with it!"

Pietro sped off into the course. He was running so fast that the hidden floor traps had almost no affect on him (the spring-wired floorboards weren't even fast enough for him). His speed took him through the blades and the momentum was able to propel him through the ring of fire easily. He cut his immense speed down slightly for the tires, and then went quickly through the pole vault. Pietro propelled himself up the rock wall. When he got down, he built up speed by running around in a circle and then used the velocity to jump over all three deadly moats. He came to a screeching halt right before the electric fence, when a large gadget when whizzing by his head.

"What the…?" He stared at it as it flew around. Pietro realized that there were actually several of them, at least five. "What are these things? They look like… floating land mines or something…"

Pietro just shrugged to himself and used his powers to go speeding by the landmines. "Okay… electric fence now! What is the best way to handle this?" After thinking for a minute, Pietro ran in place for a minute until his legs were moving at their fastest. He "let himself go" and went whizzing over the electric fence, the charges not affecting him due to his speed.

Oh great, NOW WHAT?" Pietro was in a deep mist. "Spicer had traps he wasn't telling us about!" Pietro decided (thinking straight for once) that it was better safe than sorry and just walked through the mist slowly. He was out of it in an instant, where he calmly strolled over the patch of grass.

"Well, let me see my options…" Pietro said to himself. "Either Jack's secret traps are complete failures, or I'm just really good against them…" He smiled. "I vote for the second!"

Back at the start of the line, House tallied up points. "Pietro made it all the way through the course. The non-human side has ten points." In response, a few of the non-humans cheered.

"I'll go next!" Zolo declared. Without waiting for House's okay, he went into the series of floor traps. "These are simple!" Zolo dodged the randomly opening holes and spring-loaded floorboards. He could easily pass the blades, and his athletic ability got him through the ring of fire, tires, and pole vault. When he saw the rock wall, he ran towards it and jumped up, gaining a few feet. He confidently scaled it within ten seconds.

When he landed, he got a running start and jumped the lava moat, barely clearing it, and the acid moat, clearing that a bit easier. However, he hit a rock as he landed after the acid moat and tripped, falling into the gator-infested water with an, "oops." The water quickly turned red.

"Uh-oh," Naruto muttered. "Looks like sword-boy didn't clear it."

"Uhhh, Zolo, you okay?" Yumi called hopefully. A bunch of dead alligators floated to the surface of the bloody water, and Zolo climbed out calmly with no wounds on him.

"Huh. Floating… explosives, I'd have to guess." He charged up his white-sheathed sword, the Wado. "RISING PHOENIX!" He released a shockwave from the blade, detonating all the mines. A 5-inch chunk of shrapnel sped from the cloud, embedding itself in his chest. "I'll walk that off." He walked through the cloud of smoke from the mines, not noticing that they were reforming behind him into something large. "This was actually helpful." He yanked the jagged metal from his chest, and threw the bloodstained shard at the electric fence. The angle of the throw sliced large pieces of the fence, cutting the charge on part of it. Zolo climbed over the defused portion, then enjoyed the thick watery mist he walked through. Finally, he completely ignored the sign and crossed the grass.

"Zolo has cleared the course," House muttered. "Whoop-de-doo for the human team. By the way, some additional traps have been added by a foreign source, as speed-freak and wound-boy already saw."

"The great and wonderful ZIM shall go next!" Zim proclaimed. "Begin countdown now, _inferior_ housing unit!"

"Inferior? You absolutely tear me up inside," House replied. "3 2 1 go… away."

Zim ran blindly thru the traps. When a floor panel dropped out, he yelped and caught the edges with his mechanical spider legs. He crawled out and continued quickly. Irken speed and agility are, in general, slightly better than the human equivalent, so he had no trouble with the blades and burning ring (his very small stature helped as well). He ran quickly through the tires, and pole-vaulted so well he kept going and hit the rock wall, near the top. When his skull stopped pounding from the impact, he only had to scale the last foot or so, saving more time. He jumped down. "GIR!"

Gir unstuck himself from the rock wall's far side, just behind him. "Yesssss?" He asked, not getting up from his face-down-on-the-ground position.

"I need to use you as a board for crossing this lava moat."

Gir thought for a second about any possible reason not to lay face-down in lava as his master balanced on him, crossing to the other side. His pocket lint-addled mind couldn't think of any. "Okie-DOKIE!" He ran to the lava and lay down in it. Zim got a running start and landed his small boots on Gir's back, propelling them across the moat. As he got off, Gir sunk to the bottom, creating oddly blue bubbles in the red-black lava. Zim simply walked through the acid moat, remaining totally unharmed, and hopped across the dead alligators floating on the water moat. He stopped in surprise. The floating mines had reformed into one HUMONGOUS mine, and it was shooting lasers in complex patterns.

"HOW? This trap is IRKEN tech!" Zim ducked, dodged, flipped, rolled, weaved, and generally maneuvered his small green frame, dodging the lasers, and reached the electric fence. He shot a tentacle into it, and the fence's power was temporarily siphoned into his Pak, allowing him to climb the wall unhindered, and the power boost left him smelling lemon fresh as well. "IS THERE NO _TRAP_ THAT CAN DEFEAT _ZIMMM?_" He screamed to the heavens. Suddenly the mists formed around him, and his skin began burning. "AHH! THIS HURTS! AHH! AHH! OWW! YAUGH!"

"Alright then," House stated matter-of factly. "Zim got… watered near the end. He only scores 9 out of 10, so the non-humans have 19 total. Next up is Yumi, so I can finally make a decision on something."

"Huh, alright." She slung a guitar over her back and got ready to go.

"3…2… Just go already." She started, and noticed most of the traps were easy to see now due to springing repeatedly. She pulled out her guitar and made it screech, and the blades sparked to a halt. "OH YEAH! Rock conquers all!" She ran through the ring of fire, and her shirt ignited a little. "Whoa!" She patted it out and ran thru the tires easily. "Luckily, I was on the high school pole-vaulting team junior year!" She pole-vaulted over, and then grabbed the pole as she continued. "I think I'll keep this." She vaulted over the rock wall with it as well. "Lava moat, eh?" She looked at the moats nervously.

Gir's head popped out "Hiya, mister! You _WANNA _GO swimmin'?" His metal head was red-hot from the lava.

"Uh, no." Yumi pole-vaulted through the lava, grabbing the pole again. This time, the bottom of the pole was on fire. "Gotta do this quick!" She stuck the burning end into the acid and vaulted again. This time the acid ate the entire pole, and she landed in the dead-gator-infested water. "Cool, I'm swimming in blood!" She crawled out, and the floating mine immediately began shooting lasers at her. She ducked behind a conveniently placed rock for cover. "Whose bright idea was the addition of _that_ trap?!" She snarled.

"It was MY bright idea!" Tak was standing on top of the rock, without a disguise. "It _was_ intended to hurt Zim, but he got through despite his _stupidity_. The heavy, wet fog worked, though." She began laughing maniacally.

"Screw this!" Yumi screeched her guitar again, and the mine began to spark and stopped firing lasers.

"What was that HORRIBLE noise?" Tak asked in disbelief.

"It was a guitar screech!" Yumi yelled victoriously. "And it totally trashed your trap!"

"My _trap_ is wired with a massive payload of explosives," Tak sneered. She waved her arm, and disappeared into thin air. The laser mine began ticking.

"Crap."

The mine exploded, detonating the entire course. All the other competitors were at the course's start, watching in amazement. Gir landed in the recently extracted (and much scorched) Zim's lap, burning it further. Zim began screaming in pain, to everybody's amusement. A soot-covered, dizzy Yumi almost landed in front of them, but Zolo caught her. "Nice work, Yumi!" Bender shouted. "Now we can't finish!"

"Uh…" Yumi began. She looked at Zolo. "Thanks…"

"Um…" He stuttered, similar to her. "No problem…"

As Pietro zipped around them making kissy noises, Zolo and Yumi exchanged a blush moment. But then Zolo's face clicked to a look of pain and realization. "Uh, your butt is on fire and it's burning my hand…"

"AAH!" Yumi jumped away from Zolo and began rolling on the ground to put out the flames. Naruto, Bender, Jack, and Pietro laughed loudly.

"Zim got father than Yumi," House reported with all the enthusiasm of Ben Stein, "so the non-humans win."

"WOO!" Pietro cheered. "Wait, what were we arguing about?"

"Doesn't MATTER!" Zim exclaimed, apparently all better. "Each STINKING FILTHY HUMAN must do a SUPERIOR NON-HUMAN a favor!" He looked shiftily around. "I call Jack SPICER!" he screamed.

"Oooh, I want Naruto, mon!" Grim exclaimed. "He generates demonic energy, and that powers my underworld cell phone for weeks!"

"That leaves Starfire, Bender, and Pietro who still get a chore-person/slave for one favor," House said. "This should be good…"

Yumi and Zolo both looked over to Starfire, pleading with her with their eyes. They both thought that Starfire would be her usual overly easygoing self with their favors. Ed didn't look over; he wasn't quite sure what was going on.

Bender laughed evilly. "ZOLO, you are under my temporary control!"

"Oh no…" Zolo looked slightly scared.

"Sucks for you," Pietro said to Zolo. "I pick Ed!"

"YES! Then I get Starfire!" Yumi was sure she had lucked out.

"Good for you…" House said sarcastically.

Gir looked up at House. He shrieked, "SOOOOOOO… _waffles_, huh?"

* * *

**Remember people, to send in suggestions for shows or characters to use in the second season. My co-writer avatarjk137 (who wrote most of the obstacle course section and had the idea in the first place) think we have a pretty interesting (if unstable) list of contestants, but we probably overlooked something, and you probably just have a better idea for something anyway.**


	16. It's a Challenge!

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons within. This is usually the part where people start to scream.**

**The first hints of the romance steadily developing? Ah, my fave semi-crack pairing. **

**"But Yellowfur, I don't like romance!" I like chocolate and some emo music, but I sure don't write about them all day long.

* * *

**

Zolo and Bender sat on the couch together quietly, watching the plasma screen TV. Zolo thought he was screwed for sure when he was chosen to do his one favor for Bender, but it turned out the only thing asked of him was to go get Bender a six-pack of beer. So, Bender had beer and Zolo had grog.

"OH, let's watch 'I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You'!" Bender said.

"But I have a program on!" Zolo replied. "I've been waiting to see 'Why Swords Are Better than Axes' on the History Channel for months!"

"Well, if we can't agree on something, we'll just have to keep looking for something until we do!" Bender shouted.

"Whatever… how about 'The Toonslayer'?"

"No way, that show scares me shitless! We should watch 'CSI: Miami'."

Zolo turned and looked at Bender. "…What?"

"You heard me right, meatbag."

"You know what? We should watch the news if we can't agree on anything."

"But 'Oprah In Space' is coming on at four!" Bender insisted.

"Too bad!" Zolo grabbed the remote and clicked to the news channel. It had just come back from the commercial break.

The newscaster's smooth voice echoed throughout the room with the fancy television's surround sound. "Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy, bringing with your news tonight, straight to all you viewers in Random Populous City, America. First up, we have our reporter in the field, Bryan Fantana.

"Hey Ron, I'm out here down Gloomy Alley Way on the corner of 5th and 6th. If you'll look behind me, you'll see a gang fight between multiple groups of vampires." The suave reporter ducked to avoid collision with a flying vampire. "It looks like with this kind of thing we have no choice but to ride it out. Let's hope it all come out smooth in the end."

"Yes, let's." The original reporter responded, the camera back onto view of him. "And now, we have sports, with Champ Kind."

The cowboy hat clad sports reporter responded quickly. "Thanks, Ron! And with last night's Base-ket-ball game, we ended with the Dallas Felons winning against the Gilmore Girls with a four-nothing lead. Champ Kind, out!"

"Thanks, Champ. Now, here's Brick Tamland with the weather."

"Gee thanks, Ron," the bespectacled man responded with the honest smile you only found on below-average-intelligence people. "We have raging snowstorms across the country, and a volcano in Boston, but our main weather event tonight is an _alien invasion_ in Ha-wa-e-ee."

"Gee Brick, I hope that clears up soon," Ron responded cheerfully. "In other news, there was what appeared to be a yellow boy running through Town Square naked today, carrying a glass of lemonade, and shouting out cries that had to do with 'the zombie queen', 'the hideous birds', and 'doing his favor for Pietro'. We'll be back with 'Pimps and Santa Claus: Eerily Similar, Volume III', after these messages."

"What the…?!" Zolo said in shock.

"Oh, didn't you hear?" Bender was on his last can of beer. "Pietro's favor from Ed was to have Ed bring him a glass of lemonade naked in Town Square. I don't think it embarrassed Ed, though."

Zolo sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Whatever. What is everyone else doing?"

* * *

"What is this going to do, anyway?" Naruto asked Grim. He stared at the odd-looking device that fit around his finger. 

"It's just going to take your demon energy, mon!" Grim replied cheerfully. "Nothing to worry about!"

"Is it gonna hurt?"

Grim was trapped. "Well… define hurt."

Naruto instantly looked worried. "I MEAN, like A LOT of hurt or A LITTLE hurt? Or none?"

"Well, it will hurt somewhere in between stubbing your toe and having your intestines dry-roasted and yanked out slowly while you watched."

Naruto blinked.

"Ready?" Grim asked eagerly.

"I'm not insured for-" Grim didn't wait for Naruto's answer and turned on the strange device that attached Naruto's finger to the wall and Grim's mobile phone. Jolts of black energy ran into, through, and back out of Naruto's body. After about a minute, Grim turned it off and Naruto collapsed on his side, twitching and smoke pouring out of his smoke.

"See? Was that so hard now?" Grim said, picking up his phone. "Oh, I got a text message!" Grim looked at it, then his smile faded. "Oh, yeah. I have to go do _reaping_ now, too. In the middle of my vacation!" Grim grumbled and disappeared in a large puff of thick, black smoke.

Naruto twitched.

* * *

Bender and Zolo grappled for the remote. 

"MythBusters!" Zolo protested, jumping over Bender to grab the controller.

"American Idol!" Bender replied.

"Hey!" Yumi interrupted their tussle.

"This isn't what it looks like!" Bender squirmed away from Zolo.

"Sure, whatever." Yumi didn't even turn to Bender. "Uh… hey, Zolo? Can I, uh, talk to you for a minute? In, uh, private, kinda?"

"Sure…" Zolo got off the couch and went in the next doorway, into the kitchen.

Bender ran behind the wall and kept his back near the entrance to listen in on their conversation. In a plume of black smoke, Grim appeared. "Uh… what are you doing, mon?"

"Shut up, boneybag! I'm trying to listen!" Bender snapped. Grim shrugged and leaned forward to listen as well.

Naruto ran in. "YOU!" He pointed to Grim. "WHAT DID YOU DO?! My mouth tastes like some sort of evil barbecue!"

"Shhh!" Grim hissed. "We're invading privacy, boy!"

"OH!" Naruto crouched down next to the closed mahogany door and pressed his ear to it.

"Why are we being so quiet?" Starfire whispered when she saw the three standing into making any noise.

"Shut up and eavesdrop with us!" Bender was eager to have more people join in (probably so the blame would be evenly spread).

"What are all you pathetic non-ZIM creatures doing without said ZIM?" A loud voice came from behind. Bender reached out and grabbed Zim's mouth.

"SHUT IT, alien kid! We're being rude!"

"Zim will join you in this un-manner-filled activity!" Zim whispered.

"So will evil boy genius Jack Spicer!" Jack said, popping up. He had a Jackbot with him, which he had already commanded to record what they were going to hear.

Ed had followed Jack in. "How come we aren't yelling? Let's yell!" Ed clearly thought he was onto an extremely clever idea. Before Ed had fully opened his mouth. Bender snapped it shut. "Quiiiiiieeeeeet!" He hissed.

Pietro zipped over silently and whispered "How dare you rudely invade the privacy of others and not tell me! That's one of my favorite things to do!"

In the kitchen, Yumi and Zolo had barely begun to talk.

"So!" Zolo smiled. "How was your assigned 'chore'?"

"Uh, Starfire hasn't given me anything yet. I think it's big, but she won't say." Yumi clasped her hands in front of her.

"Well, knowing Starfire, it won't be anything too horrible."

"Yeah!" Yumi nervously replied. "I guess. Annnnd. Yeah. SO anyway, uh, the real reason I asked you in here was… um…" Yumi had her cell phone in front of her, and would occasionally glance down to scroll down a long, enthusiastic text message from Ami, which she was using as a guide.

"Yeah, I was, um, wondering."

"Wellll… I was just wondering if maybe you were, you know… this weekend, uh. If you were-"

"Holy shit, get on with it already. You're boring me." House said, annoyed. His loud, surround-sound voice filled the room and made Yumi and Zolo jump.

"SHUT UP, STUPID BUILDING!" Yumi shouted furiously.

"Are you bipolar or something?" was House's non-enthusiastic response.

Yumi tensed up and turned back to Zolo. "Iwaswondering ifyouwere doing anything thisweekend and youcouldpossibly go toarestaurantorsomewhereelse with me or someotherthing WOW that was hard!" Yumi said quickly. She took a deep breath and ignored the six simultaneous gasps from the other side of the door.

Both Zolo and Yumi were red. Zolo opened his mouth and frantically searched his head for something to say. Zolo's mind quickly scanned all the options, stumbling past the simple, cool replies he learned from TV and right over the cheesy, romantic lines he learned from hsi shipmate Sanji until something in his brain snapped and he blurted "IT'S A CHALLENGE!"

Yumi and Zolo, still as red in the face as before, stood staring at each other in silence. Silence, that is, except for the muffled laughter from the other side and Starfire sounding nervous (she had tried desperately to learn so much about Earth dating and romantic relationships between Earthlings and was now learning that love was a _duel_?).

"Smooth, Mr. Bushido." House said to Zolo.

Yumi was unsure of how to respond but was desperate to say something. "Um… okay, then… uh, how about that new sushi restaurant downtown tomorrow night? For dinner?"

"Yyyyyyeah." Zolo narrowly avoided another brush with an awkward moment.

"Okay, then!" Yumi dashed out of the kitchen as fast she could, probably to talk to her band mate and best friend about the results of her advice, both she and Zolo still red in the face.

The other men of the house immediately came in to tease Zolo. Pietro was first. "Oooooh, 'it's a challenge'! You know how them competitions reallllllly turn the girlies oooooooonnnnnn!"

"It was the first thing that came to mind…" Zolo mumbled through gritted teeth.

"Ironically, dating dat girl is a bit of a challenge…" Grim said.

"No she isn't!" Zolo quickly said.

"SO you **do** like her?"

"What?!"

"Ohhh, you don't?" Grim made a mopey face.

"AAAH!" Zolo clutched his green hair in frustration.

"Leave him alone, I don't want him to pop." House said.

* * *

**I think Bushido means 'way of the samurai' or 'way of the warrior' or something to that effect. It was in One Piece. **

**'Toonslayer' is property of EA-Insanity. Thanks for letting me reference you, EA-Insanity. I might do it again in this fic... food for thought...**


	17. Hitting it Off?

**Disclaimer: I don't any of the cartoons used within. So long and thanks for all the fish.**

**The Zolo and Yumi date starts in this chapter but still has to continue for a couple after this. **

**Also, new addition to the story! Confession room!**

* * *

"Sooo…" Zolo said nervously. "Is this the restaurant you wanted?" 

"Yup," Yumi was looking to the side, not at Zolo.

"'Unko Shokuryou'. Wonder what that means…"

"Who cares? Let's go get some sushi!" Yumi led the way into the restaurant hungrily.

The two were greeted by a waiter who had a red Mohawk and a face and ears covered in piercings. "Konnichiwa, my name is Pierce. Would you like me to lead you to your table?"

"Are you supposed to be Japanese or something?" Yumi inquired. "This is a Japanese restaurant."

"I resent that comment. Do you want your seat or not?" The scowl that was already on the waiter's face deepened.

"How's it going, Zolo? I can't find you!" Pietro hissed into the microphone that was attached to Zolo's ear.

"We haven't sat down yet! How the hell did you convince me to lend you dating advice again? Refresh my memory!" Zolo snarled back at Pietro.

"Because you obviously suck with women." Pietro, seated at a clearly non-Asian booth about twenty feet away, quickly turned around and nodded to the dumb blonde he had picked for a date.

"And, like, then, like, I, like, went, like, to, like, this guy, like, and he, like…"

Pietro turned away and continued scoping out Zolo and Yumi. "Now Zolo, DO WHAT I SAY! Got that?! Good. Take your seat, Grasshair."

The odd couple was seated at a small, on-the-floor table.

"Your table is called a… something or other in Japanese that means 'floor table'." The unenthused waiter explained, handing them menus. "Have fun with your tea. I'll be back soon."

"Sooo…" Zolo repeated.

"Sooo…" Yumi imitated him. "Usually I like my tea with sugar,"

"Not me so much,"

Awkward silence.

"Ask her how she is and pretend to be interested!" Pietor ordered. "Then ask her about either her mother or her friends and do something else that allows you to turn back to her quickly and look like you're paying attention. Like… scope out other chicks. How about that brunette waitress who just walked by you? Tell me how she is, on a scale of one to ten!" Pietro desperately craned his neck for a better look. "Looks to be about an eight-point-five…"

"I'm not going to dignify what you just said with an answer!" Zolo whispered.

"Isn't that an answer?" Pietro quickly countered.

"Huh?" Yumi looked up suddenly from the generous amounts of wasabi she was adding to her tea.

"Nothing, just talking to… um…" Zolo looked to his right, where a huge illuminated fish tank was in front of them. "You know, talking to the fish."

Yumi blinked.

"I live at the sea, and my crew mates are either stupid or I just don't want to talk to them." Zolo explained.

"So, uh, you're into swordsmanship, obviously?" Yumi asked.

"Yyy-eah." Zolo sipped his green tea.

"What is that kind of style called?" Yumi cocked her head to the side. "Oni Giri?"

Zolo finally smiled. "No, that's an attack of mine. The style of a sword for each hand and one in your mouth is called Santoryu. And, uh, you're into music?"

"Rock-and-roll, to be specific. It's what I was born to do!" Yumi thrust her fist into the air, ignoring the disapproving stares from a prim-and-proper young couple near them. When she finally noticed them after they made a small "ugh" type noise of sheer disapproval, Yumi turned to face them, jumped up, and shouted. "I AM YUMI, ROCK GODDESS! BOW, YUPPIES!"

The couple immediately stood up and stormed away, saying something about getting the manager while Yumi and Zolo laughed.

Yumi pointed at Zolo's chest. "Scars. Can I see 'em?"

Zolo looked confused. "You want to see my scars?"

"Sure do,"

"Wow. No one ever wants to see my scars except for doctors and then they usually yell at me for not taking good care of my wounds. And say something about replacing my colon." Zolo enthusiastically lifted up his shirt.

While Yumi was amazed at the sheer size of the scars, she didn't notice the skeleton and the Ed in a cage a few tables away.

"Hmmph. I can't even get a date ANYWHERE and here those two are canoodling during a reality show!" The Grim Reaper grumbled. "I feel like doing something bad." He smiled cruelly at the caged, foaming-at-the-mouth Ed.

* * *

"Tell me again, why can't we go and bother Yumi and Zolo?" Naruto asked Starfire. Excited by Yumi and Zolo's newfound affection, Starfire was determined to make sure that nothing went wrong on the date (nothing went wrong, that is, that had to do with the other members of the household. If they wished so, it was up to Yumi and Zolo to screw things up verbally or otherwise between them). 

"I can't let you go! Or you will ruin everything between Yumi and Zolo!" Starfire insisted.

"But don't you think the chains are a bit much?!" Jack yelled, referring to the tight chains that bound him, Zim, and Naruto.

------

"I admit I didn't like being tied up," Jack said. "The chains were tied pretty tight and were rather painful. Starfire seems a little crazy in a really crazy way… I can't explain it. Hey where'd this confession room come from?"

"I had insomnia last night and built it during the time between three a.m. and 3:05 a.m." House explained. "Do you like the leopard-print velvet couch and Yellow Submarine wallpaper?"

"It has a classy touch." Jack admired it.

------

"For the pursuit of romance, locking people together may be necessary!" Starfire declared. Jack and Naruto burst out laughing, to Starfire's confusion. Between Zim's anger, Jack and Naruto's laughter, and Starfire's befuddlement, nobody noticed the shadowy figure stalking along the ceiling.

"Nrgghh…reghh… _let_ the great ZIM go free! I AM ZIM!" Zim shrieked.

"Yes, we know damn well who you are," Jack said. "Can't those spider-leg things you have in your ugly backpack break the chains?!"

"My PAK is a beautiful instrument of DESTRUCTION!" Zim yelled. "But _yes_, yes they can. Why do you ask?" He got a suspicious look on his face. "What are you AFTER?!"

* * *

Bender strolled into the kitchen, suddenly forgetting what he was there for. But suddenly, it hit him like the smell of fish in the kitchen. He was going to be unusually nice and help with Zolo's date, by posing as a waiter. 

A pierced waiter walked in. "The strangely colored hair people at floor-table-type-thingy number eight want a number one combo, a number eighteen combo, a number three plate, and a number five plate."

"Hi, I'm Bender!"

"Wha-"

_THWACK!_

Bender easily knocked out the waiter. Due to the fact that everyone was either turned around over a stove or sink or just walking by at a very brisk pace, this assault went unnoticed, lucky for Bender.

Bender stowed the unconscious body away in a cupboard next to powdered horseradish and stole his outfit.

"Okay, now all I have to is get some combos or whatever to Yumi and Zolo and then I can give him some helpful advice!" Bender looked around. "Where the hell are those sushi thingies yet?!"

When nobody answered him for about two more minutes, Bender decided to take matters into his own hands.

* * *

"Damn it, why isn't he taking any of my advice?!" Pietro grumbled to himself, suddenly turning around to his bimbo date. 

"And, like, I-I-I like, didn't get, like, where he was, like, coming, like, from, like, at all! Like, the misunder-, like, -standing between, like, us, was so, like, intense!" The girl looked to be near tears. "He, like, said, like, I say some, like, word, like, too, much!... like?"  
"Uh-huh. Right. I totally get here you're coming from!" Pietro said.

She sniffled and smiled. "Like, you're, like, the only, like, person, like, who, like, understands me! Like, you're so, like, HOT!"

"That's what I'm talking about!" Pietro suddenly realized that despite how much he enjoyed hot girls talking about how hot he was, he had a mission and could not get caught up in a conversation now. "So, uh, tell me about _The O.C._"

She suddenly got angry. "LIKE, it, LIKE, got, LIKE, cancelled in, LIKE, it's BEST SEASON, LIKE! And, LIKE, I…"

* * *

"I will not allow you to escape! In the name of young love and all that is nice!" Starfire blocked the room's only exit with outstretched arms, since Zim had finally gotten a clue and cut the chains. 

Suddenly, a small alien form landed on Starfire's head and began to beat at her face. _Tamaranians are a mighty race,_ Tak thought. _Before I kill ZIM, I should train myself by slaying this one in case I am one day called to invade THEIR PLANET._ "DIE, Tamaranian fool!" She leapt back and pulled out some large, glowing firearm with spikes all over it and began firing it madly, but Starfire easily dodged, and blasted her with her star bolts.

"Get away from me! I shall do NO DYING TONIGHT!" Starfire began to pummel Tak, destroying various pieces of furniture.

Naruto tapped Jack and Zim on the shoulder and pointed to the door. "Now's our chance, let's go! We won't get another chance to ruin a date like this!" They ran out the front door, leaving the two fighting female aliens behind.

"No, boys, please!" Starfire called out. "You must come back!" She was flying after the others who had gotten a head start on her down the street.

------

"This was going all wrong! These are many unnecessary complications for a first date! I was frustrated and angry and now I don't know how I got in here!" Starfire looked around. "It reminds me of the ancient temples on Tamaran. Very beautiful."

------

House coughed and a flurry of feathers came out of the front door. "Did you have to rip up the whole couch and all the pillows?!" House choked out hoarsely.

"I am sorry, Mr. House! I'll be right back and then I'll vacuum for you!" Starfire hollered back.

House hacked and let out more down feathers. "Don't worry about me, I'm _fine,"_ he spat sarcastically. "In the meantime, I'll detain the PMS Queen from Mars."

"IRK!" Tak screamed as cables lashed up from the floor and ensnared her. "I'm from IRK! I'm IRKEN and don't you _forget_ it!"

------

"What? Huh? HOW DID I GET IN HERE! LET ME OUT!" Tak began smashing at the walls of the confession room.

"Stop. That's new wallpaper," House called in a half-assed manner.

------

* * *

**I don't really like _The O.C._.. I have no idea if it cancelled in its best season or not.**

**Just in case you don't know: "Yuppie"- Young Urban Professional. Dictionary . com definition- a young, ambitious, and well-educated city-dweller who has a professional career and an affluent lifestyle.**

**The date continues next chapter!**

**Constructive criticism encouraged.**


	18. Thriller

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons used within. Pfft, I say! Pfft!

* * *

**

"Here's your sushi, sirs and/or madams!" Bender, in the waiter's clothes, enthusiastically put the plates in front of Yumi and Zolo.

Zolo leaned forward to Yumi and whispered, "Do you think the waiter seems a little… off?"

"Hm, maybe. A little… familiar? His face was kind of… metallic, but it's been that way since the beginning, hasn't it?" She replied, digging into her 'sushi'.

Zolo eyed the waiter suspiciously. Looking at magnets on the waiter's face, and the shape of his body, Zolo quickly came to an extremely obvious conclusion: the waiter was Bender. Yumi was too focused on the food to even notice the waiter's magnet visage.

"Holy shit, BENDER?!" Zolo whisper-growled at him.

"Yes?" Bender looked at him.

"_WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING_?"

"I'm in disguise. I'm here to help you with your date because you obviously suck with girls!"

"This sushi smells funky. What's in this roll?" Yumi held up a roll.

"Ice," Bender answered.

"…_ice_?" Yumi repeated.

"Ice," Bender clearly saw nothing wrong with this.

"And this has…!" Yumi lifted up a humongous piece of "sushi". It was an electronic, plastic singing fish meant to be hung on a wall, with a rice-covered piece of seaweed slapped onto it.

Zolo inspected some weird sushi as well, including an entire egg (still in its shell) in a sushi roll and a melon baller wrapped with dried seaweed and rice. He opened the menu and started flipping through it. "I thought the menu said something about tempura…"

Yumi burped. "Don't bother. That sushi was weird but tasty!" She rubbed her stomach and pushed back her empty tray. "You should try your platter, Zolo. If you don't want it, I'll have it!"

"HA! _She_ thought it was good!" Bender said to Zolo.

Not hungry anymore, Yumi finally noticed the familiar voice. She looked up at the colorful magnet-laden face of waiter Bender. "Waaaaiiiit… is that… BENDER?!"

"Yes," Zolo answered, rubbing his forehead.

"OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" She yelled at him, causing a group of emos to turn around and look at them.

"I'm making your date better!" Bender replied proudly.

Pietro dashed over, not caring that he was revealing himself to Yumi. "_You_ can't be helping them! _I'M_ helping them!"

"WHAT IS GOING ON?!" Yumi shouted. She noticed the emos staring at them. "STOP LOOKING AT US LIKE THAT, GUYLINER-FACES!" Yumi tossed a straw at them, hitting one in the face and causing him to fall to the floor, clutching his head and moaning in pain. "God, you'd think they'd be tougher, the way they handled that parade…"

Bender, who disappeared a second ago and was now reappearing with their main courses, stuck himself back into the conversation enthusiastically. "Here's your other food! Your main food!" Bender plunked it down on the table. "I forget if I edited this food or not…"

"RAHAAAHRRRHAAGUAAAH!" Ed staggered towards the table, and front-flipped onto the low table, crushing food, plate, and furniture alike under his shoes. Then he lay down on the table and began to roll around, laughing.

"I guess it doesn't matter," Bender said. "I need a smoke break." He walked out.

"EEEEDDDD!" Zolo grabbed his swords and pulled them from their sheathes, then stabbed down into the table. Ed rolled out of the way with a giggle, and Zolo stabbed through the broken table down into his foot. He screamed, pulled the sword out, and got up. "I'm gonna kill you!" He began to slash at Ed, who got up off the table and began to stumble back from Zolo's swings. Zolo's sword sliced through his shirt, but as it fell open, it became apparent that he had only cut Ed's clothing, and not his far skinnier body.

"Ed's almost as skinny as I am under his shirt," Pietro remarked.

Meanwhile, Zim was hiding near the entrance of the kitchen. "These foolish HUMANS will never again pursue their FOOLISH romance while ZIM is around to fire _giant hideous leeches_ at people!" He pulled out what looked like an alien-technology-enhanced Super Soaker, except it was loaded with large leeches instead of water.

Naruto clung to the ceiling above Yumi. "First date… I just can't resist a chance to prank somebody on their first date!" He had several paint-filled water balloons strapped to his jacket. "Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Several of his shadow clones appeared, and dropped toward Yumi.

Jack Spicer walked casually into the restaurant, whistling innocently. "Jack Spicer, Evil Boy Genius, hindrance to a date," he whispered to himself. "Jack Spicer, Evil Boy Genius, shot out of a cannon Shen Gong Wu at one hundred miles per hour: EXTREME hindrance to a date! CANNON BLASTER!" He used his Cannon Blaster Shen Gong Wu to blast himself towards Yumi.

"Is that a nickel on the ground?" Yumi ducked down, and Jack shot over her, colliding with the Shadow Clones and the giant leech. The shadow clones exploded in a puff of smoke and a coat of paint, and a multicolored Jack Spicer with a multicolored leech on his head rocketed into Zim, blasting them both into the kitchen. "No, it was a minty toothpick. I'm going to the bathroom." As she left, the impact Zim and Jack made with the wall shook the foundation of the restaurant, jarring Naruto loose. He fell screaming onto the table, landing paint-balloon-first on the melon baller in Zolo's sushi, splattering himself and the entire table in rainbow paint.

Zolo stopped attacking Ed. "What the hell just happened?" He stared at the table, and after a minute he was able to see the ninja peeling himself off and wincing as the melon baller left his skin. "NARUTO! WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!"

"Uh, that's not how it was supposed to happen," Naruto said with a gulp. "It was all Jack Spicer's idea!"

"Yeah right! I'm going to be chopping SOMEBODY up tonight!" Zolo yelled.

Ed tapped him on the shoulder. "Moist towellette?"

"No I don't want your freaking lemon-soaked moist towellette!" Zolo slashed at Ed again, and Ed jumped back again with a laugh, knocking him into the emo table. The band members yelled in protest and Mace'd Ed.

"AAAH!" Ed grabbed his eyes and stumbled into the original waiter, who had just escaped and was looking for Bender with a crowbar, and together they crashed into Zim and Jack, who had just re-emerged from the kitchen. Collectively, they crashed into the aquarium, breaking it, and spilling water and fish all over them, leaving a paint-stained, leech-bitten Jack, a screaming, water-burned Zim, a confused waiter, and an Ed with a fish in his mouth and another lodged halfway in his ear.

Zolo turned. "What's WITH all you guys?" He looked at Naruto. "You're still going to get it."

"Sorry!" Naruto yelped. He ran over to the pile of people at the broken aquarium and jumped onto the pile face-down. "Is this better?"

* * *

Zolo and Yumi walked down the suburban-style street. They walked in an awkward silence. 

Starfire flew down the street. "Oh no, I'm too late to protect your date from the others! Are you alright? Did they hurt you?" Starfire flew in a quick circle around Yumi and Zolo, inspecting them for damages. "Zolo, your foot is-!"

"I know, I know. That's my fault." Zolo ignored his still-bleeding foot. He looked at Starfire. "Uh, Starfire, do you have any idea how those guys could have gotten to the restaurant?"

"I tried to keep Jack, Ed, and Naruto from getting there, but they escaped when the Tak-creature interfered! Mr. House helped me keep her occupied, but I could not stop the boys in time! I am so sorry!" Starfire looked to be near tears.

"It's okay… not your fault…" Yumi said. "Wait… then what about Ed?"

"I saw Grim taking him out earlier today…" Starfire said.

"Ugh! Grim, too!" Zolo grumbled. "Starfire, can you do us a favor?"

"Yes!" She quickly answered without thinking twice.

"Can you go fetch the others at the restaurant when they're done cooking and cleaning to provide money for the repair and medicine expenses, or when they escape, whichever comes first? I so do not feel like it right now,"

Starfire nodded and flew off towards the restaurant.

"What happened to Grim anyway?" Zolo asked.

"I think he got kidnapped by My Chemical Romance," Yumi answered.

"Well, we're at the house," Zolo looked up at the small, self-aware mansion. "I wonder what he'll have to say about the whole scene…"

"Actually, I think he 'goes to sleep' in his own way. Maybe he already has. It's pretty late." She answered.

"House!" Zolo called out. He waited for a second. "He didn't answer,"

Yumi threw a rock at the side, and nothing happened. She and Zolo laughed. "He must be asleep or something weird like that!" She said.

"Let's go around back!" Zolo began to lead the way the backyard.

"Why?" Yumi crossed her arms.

"So death won't know where to come looking for us!"

"What?" Yumi giggled.

"I do that sometimes. Every once in a while, you should switch your routine around a little bit so death won't know where to find you,"

"_BUT __I__ SURE WILL_," A booming voice called from the side of them.

"What the-… HOUSE!" Yumi shouted.

"Yes?" He answered, back in his usual grumbly voice.

"We thought you were sleeping! Or something!"

"No,"

"Okay, fine." Yumi reached for the sliding glass door leading into the kitchen.

"Oh, no you don't!" House said. There was a click sound, and he had locked the door.

"What the hell!" Zolo tugged on the door.

"I don't need you two sulking all over me for the next week. Kiss and make up and forget about your relationship-ruining date or freeze to death in the night. Your call."

"Open the door!" Yumi protested and kicked the side of the wall.

"No!" House answered, similar to a child.

"FINE!" Yumi quickly jumped forward and kissed Zolo on the lips. "Happy now? Open the door!"

"Wha…" Zolo was speechless and frozen.

House paused dramatically. "…Fine," The door unlocked and slid open.

"'ZOMG'! YOU KISSED!" Pietro pointed at the two, who stood like deer in headlights.

"AHHHH!" Jack pointed as well.

"Awww!" Starfire smiled brightly. "Wait, what is this 'ZOMG'?"

* * *

**Okay, the date is finally over. Hmm... what event should happen now?**

**Long live Zolo/Yumi.**

**Constructive criticism encouraged.**


	19. A Terrifying Replacement

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoon used within. Boom.**

**Sorry for slow updates. This chapter is shorter than most of the others. Since I usually subject you to hideously long chapters, I figured I'd give you this 4-pager as a break. **

**But expect it to be back to normal next chapter.**

**This chapter may give you a bit of a shock. Also, I'm experimenting with a new plot device... I'm making the background/creation/producers/etc. of the show itself in this fic more of an actual underlying subplot.**

**Constructive criticism encouraged.**

* * *

Poor, simple Ed ran down the hallway. It was lined with ornate, shiny gold print wallpaper and the glossy wood floors were the cause of all the noise Ed's sneakers were making as he ran, his legs running farther and faster than his torso and head could catch up. Where Ed was going, nobody knew (especially not Ed himself). However, one particular sarcastic household was about to attempt to find out. 

"What are you doing, my good, jaundiced, simpleton?" House asked Ed. But even though House insulted Ed, he truly did like Ed. Ed was stupid and likely to cause damage, but at least _HE_ wasn't installing alien and/or evil machinery into his bowels.

Ed was caught off guard by this one little question. "Uhhhhhhhmmm… sprinting?" He smiled.

"Sprinting?" House repeated.

"Who's sprinting? Am I sprinting?" Ed asked.

"No, wait… you said you were sprinting."

"I like sprinting. Can I sprint?"

"Go ahead. More power to you."

"YAY!" Ed continued his sprinting down the hall. His short journey ended when he came to a mysterious door. "OH! Where's this go? To the rug doctor?"

"That would be my basement. Please, oh please, don't move around the furniture." House replied.

Ed happily opened the door and ran down the stairs (how he made it out undamaged is a mystery).

Ed strolled about, looking around at the dusty chests, wardrobes, files cabinets, bookcases, boxes, and the like. Ed grabbed a file cabinet's handle and opened it up without a clue as to what would be inside.

"Wait! Oh crap!" House shouted, not worrying if other contestants of the household heard. "Ed! Get out of there! You're not supposed to be down there!"

Ed ignored him. "Ohhh…" He took out a handful of dust-covered manila folders. "What does this button do?" Ed took papers out and held them upside down.

"Ugh, for chrissake…" House grumbled, muttering incoherently. "I'm serious, little idiot. You'll get disqualified. The basement is a restricted area to contestants."

Ed continued to ignore him, in his own little world by now.

"Fine. Get disqualified. No paint off my garage door."

Ed tossed the folders and papers aside without reading them. He opened up and threw to the side more folders, clearly having fun with the mess rather than content of the papers. After that, Ed left to the bookcases, looking around for comic books and haphazardly tossing the notebooks and heavy, black leather-covered volumes over his shoulder. If Ed was paying any attention to what he was digging up, he would've discovered elusive information; rules to the reality-game show, plans for future seasons and shows and plans for winning contestants, loopholes, legal information, unused concepts, scores and scores (possibly hundreds) of records containing all information of failed attempts to launch various earlier versions of the show that Ed was competing in right now, cheat codes, and something that none of the contestants of the first successfully launched season of "Who Wants To Stay Sane?" had bothered to think about (fortunately)… records of the creators and producers of the show.

If it were Jack Spicer or Invader Zim digging through the material, they would try to sell the information to the other contestants for whatever they desired. If it were Quicksilver or the Grim Reaper, they would bribe the actual producers or House into letting them win automatically, with a better prize, of course. If it were Yumi, Naruto, or Bender, they would be overjoyed and drunk with the power they had just discovered (but Bender would just be drunk), plot for days about how they would use it, probably use it for relatively the same reasons Grim, Pietro, Jack or Zim would, but in the end ultimately just be proudest of the fact that they found it first. If Starfire had stumbled across the records, without missing a beat, she would feel guilty about it and leave the basement, possibly even come clean to the producers themselves. If it were Zolo, he would read them and toss them aside without thinking twice and probably never use the information again.

But Ed didn't even know what he was doing in the first place. And now he has become bored with the file cabinets and bookcases… time to move on to the chests.

The first one Ed picked was a black leather, professional-looking one. It only contained more paper. So much paper bothered Ed. In his opinion, paper was only good for eating or if Eddy wanted to use paper in a scam for jawbreaker money.

The next three chests were the same way. The fourth one wouldn't even open to Ed's brute strength. Ed skipped over the next few to a particular one that caught his pointing-in-different-directions eyes. It was off in the corner, deliberately put there as not to draw attention to it. But how could it not? It was different than all the other undecorated, business-y chests in the basement that only varied slightly in color. This chest was black and gold, with a gold skull lock.

The chest wouldn't open for Ed at first tug. Or second, third, or fourth tug, for that matter. Ed's few brain cells pieced the dilemma together slowly… he would need to get the lock open somehow! Ed reached into the pocket of his worn green jacket and pulled out his Lucky Cheese Chunk. He shoved it into the keyhole and twisted. Though the cheese was far past spoiled, it was for some reason hard, not soft and did not crumble upon hard impact and twisting. It molded inside the keyhole.

Ed twisted and turned and then was finally able to pry the chest apart. And at last, a chest that was not as boring as Double D's explanation to why cars could go fast! This chest was amazing! It had exotic artifacts that Ed knew you could not find in your local department store OR supermarket (which to him meant exotic). There were bottles, books, and doohickeys; berries, black hole generators, and doodads. Everything in the chest would be to the liking of at least one of the following: the evil boy genius Jack, the skull-loving Yumi, or something that looked alien, almost Irken-like to Zim. Even more fun was the fact that the inside of the chest had an eerie green glow.

But Ed did not need to search anymore. He had finally found something to cure his boredom. It was tall, but not too much taller than Ed himself. It was shiny, but not glaring. The handle was sleek and smooth, but not too sleek to the point of being slippery. And the blade was sharp… admittedly, too sharp for comfort. At least, it would be discomforting if Ed could comprehend the danger here.

Yes, a moment of darkness and fear had fallen upon everybody. In our world, where Ed was a cartoon character in a fanfiction, and in Ed's world, where Ed was considered as real as the computer you're looking at now.

A moment of fear indeed… for you must fear: Ed, Wielder of the Scythe.


	20. Run! Run! Run!

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons used within.**

**Quickly now...**

**Ed wields the scythe in all its glory. The house members are showing the first signs of breaking down. Jack and Zim are up to something. The first season is on its last legs. A cast for the second season is in the works and at least halfway figured out. A storyboard for it will be penned shortly following. And this season will all conclude with a bang and couple jumbo-sized chapters.**

**Anyways, here are a few details about the last chapters (slightly spoiler-ish) if you're interested. If not, ignore the hideously long author's notes and go on to read the fic. Anywayyyys, the last two chapters will of course answer some questions... what are Zim and Jack up to... and will I reveal information about the mystery of the producers of the show? Who knows.**

**Shutting up now.**

* * *

Yumi fiddled with the strings of her electric guitar near the entrance of the oversized living room, where she had her amp plugged in as well. Zolo was napping on the black leather recliner with his three swords left at his side. Pietro and Grim were sitting on the black leather couch, which matched the recliner. They were watching TV… or rather, trying to; the speed demon Pietro was turning the channels inhumanly fast (not a surprise, considering he wasn't really human).

"Slow it down, boy! You're going to give me a seizure!" Grim griped.

"Slow down the remote? Speed up your eyes! Actually, scratch that! You don't have eyes, do you?!" Pietro snapped back. "So why are you watching TV?! In fact, do you even have a brain that isn't rotting? How can you have a seizure in the first place?! Leave me alone! STOP YELLING AT ME!"

"Okay, okay! For the love of-…" Grim trailed off and glared at Quicksilver as he changed channels, even faster now, and twitching a bit with each channel.

Grim remembered the name of the game… staying sane to win cash. The contest was a good ways through by now, but a lot of the contestants, especially the already unstable ones, were being forced to the brink of pure insanity and it was becoming more obvious as of late.

Nearby in the kitchen, Starfire was busy, milling around the roomy yet well-equipped kitchen like a bee in a hive.

Naruto ate his chicken Ramen and grumbled at Starfire's movement. He had become touchier and touchier lately and was having outbursts even more than usual (which was really saying something when it came to Naruto). "STARFIRE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Starfire whipped around, surprised at his outburst. She closed the oven door after looking inside for the third time in the last two minutes. "I'm making the Gloves of Happiness!"

"In the OVEN?"

"That is how they are made, silly!" She giggled. Then the light-hearted alien girl flew over to Naruto. "Please, why are you angry? Maybe it would help to talk about it."

"Hmmph…" Naruto grumbled. But he was seriously considering talking to her. Sakura was on his three-man cell but never paid attention to him, always to _Sasuke_. He should value his getting attention from pretty girls. "I just… feel… mad, and-"

"NARUTO, NO!" Starfire threw her hand on Naruto's mouth. "You mustn't talk about being crazy or insane or mad! Not to Pietro or Bender or Yumi or any of the others in the house! Not _even_ House!"

"BUT I'M PISSED OFF!" Naruto thrust his fists into the air, accidentally knocking over his Instant Ramen.

"SHUT UP IN HERE!" Pietro zipped into the kitchen, whirled around it once, then back out onto the couch.

Zolo groaned loudly. "UHHHHHHN SHUT UUUUUUUUP!" He was lying in the right position before but was now spontaneously positioned with his head at the bottom of the recliner and his feet at the top.

"I CAN'T WORK WITH THIS THING!" Yumi shouted about her guitar after tuning it for an incredibly long… three minutes or so. She took it and hit against the wall as hard as she could, destroying her prized, precious axe and part of the living room archway.

"OUCH!" House said out loud. "I feel that, you know!"

* * *

"InteresTING…" Zim said as he walked with Jack down the hallway of the bedrooms. "It appears our competitors are BECOMING insaaannne…" Zim smiled evilly, revealing alien-like teeth even under his (granted, poor) human disguise. "all we need to do is push them and then-" 

"And then we win!" Jack finished happily. He grabbed a lamp as they passed. "What's that, Wuya? Make them turn on each other? Great idea! But we don't have time to think of an evil plot…" Jack patted the top of the lamp with sympathy. "I know, I know, maybe next time…"

Zim stared. "Ooooooooooookay then. We're moving on, JACK."

"Am I going crazy?!" Jack suddenly asked Zim. But before he could answer, he was interrupted by... a contortion of the fragile fabric of their very dimension.

* * *

"What'd I do?" Ed asked no one as he stared down at the scythe. He just made a few waving noises and the next thing he knew, he heard a loud 'VOIP' sound. And that was it. 

Trying to figure out what happened and what he should do next, Ed walked down the hallway. Unluckily for him, however, House was there to give his opinion.

"Grumble grumble grumble!"

"Uh... what?" Ed asked the ceiling.

"Grumble grumble groan SARCASM!" It was House's distinctive overhead voice.

This confused Ed. Of course, grumbling was all House did, but even _Ed_ knew that he had syllables... Ed just never bothered to distinguish the syllables.

Next to meet up with Ed was Yumi. Before Ed could greet her and ask her how she ironed her shirt (something he always wanted to know), she spoke. "RAGGLE FRAGGLE!" Her teeth were rows of white, sharp fangs.

"My name is Ed!" Ed smiled.

"Ragga ragge raggum! RAWR!" Yumi shouted at Ed.

Ed flinched. Fear was beginning to rise in him like bile. "Ed is who I am."

"RAGGAAA!" She swung her poorly drawn fists at Ed, who turned on his heels and ran the other way. Ed continued his lopsided run until reaching the next familiar face... the green, alien face of Zim.

"Tim!" Ed declared happily.

"_zIM WiLl_ DeStR_OO_Oyyy **Y**oUuu HUmaNs, DOom **Fo**oorrr A_L_l!" Zim's demented lilt was magnified by fifty-nine.

"I SAY, I SAID, MY NAME IS ED!" Poor Ed was just plain frightened now and continued to run. Ed was so busy running he didn't notice every room and hallway in the house was enlarged and covered in pure lace frills and gold. And he kept running until he ran straight into a silver-haired mutant, Pietro, who was accompanied by the blonde ninja, Naruto.

"Wwstsiswtsa?" Pietro talked in such an inhumanly fast speed that it could not be translated into English.

"Hokage hokage ho hokage kage BELIEVE IT!" Naruto shouted, punching the air.

"I AAAAMMMMM EEEEEEED!" Ed ran as fast as he could yet again, desperate to escape his strange surroundings. As he ran, he ignored Zolo, who seemed to be simultaneously sleeping, drinking and swinging his swords (sleepwalking, of course). Starfire, who was radiating a pink aura shaped like daisies, was also ignored. Bender the robot was nowhere to be found.

Finally Ed took his most genius hiding spot... in the broom closet. There poor Ed sat alone, more confused than usual. Until a certain skeleton came to his rescue.

"Come out of dere, boy!" The Grim Reaper ordered. Grim seemed the same, only he was as scary as you could possibly hope a Grim Reaper to be. His black robe now bore numerous silver spikes and chains, and had red and gold flames and skulls decorating it in intricate patterns. Grim's actual skull now had fangs, a set of horns and a third eye socket.

Ed peeked out of a small opening he made in the door. "Am I... Ed?"

"Dat seems to be your catchphrase today. Yes, you are. But I don't care." Grim was visibly annoyed... and scary. "Where's me scythe?"

"Me see just fine!" Ed smiled his usual blank grin.

"Not your sight, you annoyin' boy! ME SCYTHE." Grim made a swinging motion. "De sharp, shiny ting."

"Oh, that! I made it go 'whoosh VOIP'!" Ed swung his hand. "Whoosh!" He flailed them a bit. "_**VOIIIIP**_!"

"OH... dat's just... splendid!" Now Grim was just angry. "Do you realize what you've done? You've gone and ripped a hole in de dimension!"

"Hole...?" Ed was distracted and therefore not paying attention to the content of what Grim was saying. Ed tended not to pay attention, but Grim's accent made it harder.

"YAH. HOLE. Haven't ya noticed how everyone is actin' so odd?" Grim pulled Ed out of from the safety of the closet. "Even de house itself is out of place. You did the deed, so of all people, YOU are unaffected. I'm just used to the effects of me own scythe, so I am normal, too. Mostly."

"What's up, meatbags?" Bender appeared, leaking beer and other forms of alcohol out of every orifice of his body.

"Hmph. Looks like he's relatively unaffected..." Grim observed.

Ed leaned forward towards Bender. "Ew, get away, meatbag! Meatbag!"

"Nope, that's Bender, alright!" Finding perfectly familiar faces made Ed a bit more secure and his blank grin looked like it was going to stay for a while.

"Focus, boy!" Grim snapped. "We need to fix dis!"

"True that, Bonebag," Bender agreed.

"But how...?" Grim thought aloud. "I don't tink just swinging de scythe again will work. Dat's like a sitcom... someone who's stupid gets hit over de head and becomes smart, den dey get hit again are back to being stupid. It would never work. It would probably make tings worse!" A pause for thought. "I know! I'll make a spell!" He pointed forward. "To de basement!"

"Heh heh... 'basement'..." Bender giggled as he followed Grim and Ed, leaving a trail of liquor behind him.

* * *

Grim flipped through a book titled _Green Eggs and Spells_. "Let's see... sewing holes back up in de dimension... reversing de effects of me scythe... ah! Here we are!" Grim put the book down. "Ed! Go fetch me chest!" 

Ed pointed to Grim's rib cage (Grim should be glad he didn't just pull it off and hand it to him).

"NO, you imbecile! You're as bad as Billy! My trunk! With the lock!"

"Ohh..." Ed picked up the trunk and handed it to Grim, but paused first, holding it up to Grim's head. "It matches your eyes,"

"I don't HAVE eyes, you little fool! Put it down!" Ed dropped the chest.

"Heh heh... 'put it down'... that's so meatbag..." Bender giggled.

"Now, how did you open it in de first place?" Considering the fact that the chest still was still open and Grim was rummaging through it, he was asking for his own curiosity.

"My lucky, lucky cheese wedge!" Ed held the spoiled dairy product up, but Grim didn't even look up.

"I should be digusted by dat, but I'm not in the mood!"

"Now, dis elixir is de key to de spell that will close the hole in the dimension," Grim put a foul-smelling bottle of liquid down on the ground. It was smoking, and the steam coming out smelled like pure evil reincarnated in the form of a rancid gas with a hint of nutmeg. "Ed, pick up de scythe and swing it when I say so,"

"THE SCYTHE'S INVISIBLE, GRIM!" Fear returned to Ed.

"What? What did you- you left it upstairs, you dunce! Let's go get it!" He led Ed up the steps.

When they had reached the top, someone had gotten to it before them.


End file.
